Ch. 13 - There's no dating service quite like Jack of Fables

[originaljackass]

[Voice - Locked to Women]

Ladies, Jack Horner here. You may have seen my movie. If not, I work at Good Spirits, the local and only bar. We run a classy joint, but it's come to my attention that my good friend and fellow server of alcoholic beverages, has been going through a rough patch. This man has been going for far too long without a good and proper fucking. The man has no girlfriend and yet he continues to serve your drinks with no complaints. Oh sure, he's constantly scowling and he's about as pleasant as a cactus, but the point is: this man is rendering a service without asking for anything in return.

So I ask you ladies, who will take one for the team and give this man some action? Sure, he's sort of plain looking and in desperate need of a haircut, but he's not that bad. I mean, here, let me show you a picture.

[The video pans to a picture Jack managed to obtain that displays Asch the Bloody. See how sad he looks? How desperate he is for some action?]

This man's name is Asch. And he needs you.

Oh, for the record, I wouldn't be against a little extra action thrown my way. Not that I'm desperate or anything. Far from it. Just thought I'd offer.

Comments

[herotypical]

As if yours are any more virtuous.

[voice]

[strangelyliteral]

And if you don't? Sounds like a poor lady just might get pricked.

[Voice]

[originaljackass]

Trust me, Win. I know. I could see it in his eyes. A sad and lonely desperation for female companionship. I've seen it many times. It's heartbreaking.

[video]

[originaljackass]

Exactly. And if the situations were reversed and there was someone asking to sleep with a lonely woman, I'd take one for the team. Even if she was only a six. And Asch is at least a seven, so I'm not asking for any big concessions here.

voice;

[degleamed]

[ So yeah some things Mother Gothel sure never told her about. ]

Isn't that whether someone's a girl or a boy...?

[Voice]

[installing]

You know what, Jack? Why don't you sleep with him since nobody else will?

[originaljackass]

My opinions may not be virtuous, but they are legendary.

[voice]

[originaljackass]

If I don't, poor Asch will just have to go without in his miserable and not very interesting existence.

[herotypical]

...What is it with men and needing to be legendary?

voice;

[originaljackass]

Oh boy, kiddo, you don't know what sex is? Or, hell, where babies come from?

[Video]

[fashionably_strong]

Oh. I'm sorry to hear that you were killed.

[Because despite her original impression of him, he at least seems like someone who cares about his friend.]

I don't think Dad would kill a boy for dating me...

[Voice]

[originaljackass]

Don't be ridiculous. He's not into guys. Neither am I.

[originaljackass]

I don't need to be. I already am. Jack of the Tales, remember?

[video]

[tokennonbender]

Most women won't sleep with someone just because you think it will cheer him up.

Even if you're vulgar enough to do it if the situation were reserved. Which...is nonsense.

[Voice]

[installing]

How do you know? Did you ask him?

[Video]

[originaljackass]

I'm sure your would-be boyfriends are relieved.

voice;

[degleamed]

Sure I do! They come from mothers.

[ OBVIOUSLY ]

[video]

[originaljackass]

I've known women that would. It's a shame there don't seem to be any here. I gotta say, the Suits have let me down. I thought they had a variety in this bunch, but it doesn't seem to be the case.

[herotypical]

Sure. Back home. [ ... ] Your home. You're practically working from scratch, here.

[Voice]

[originaljackass]

I know. I've seen his eyes wander when a chesty lady walks into the bar. The man is not subtle at all.

[Jack is just making this up as he goes. He's never paid that much attention to Asch to know.]

[Video]

[origami_ninja]

I hardly think it's prudish to not want to sleep with a stranger. A prude would balk at the very mention of sex.

voice;

[originaljackass]

And how do you think they get in there?

[originaljackass]

Half the people in this dome are from Earth. That means a good number of them already know some of my tales. I'd say that ain't too bad a start.

[Video]

[originaljackass]

Yeah, well I'd do it. Assuming I had protection and she wasn't below a five.

[Voice]

[installing]

He must be so glad you're looking out for him. I mean it's not like he'd want a relationship or anything beforehand.