Ch. 4 - People spend their whole lives wishing they were Jack of Fables

[originaljackass]

[Great thing about New Feather cycles? Lots of pretty new faces, all of them in skimpy sundresses, many of them in need of a strapping hero to get them settled in. Jack has been kind enough to oblige a fair number of them. Not as many as he'd like, as he's been beaten to the punch several times. Hiatuses, go figure.]

[Written]

To all the hotties out there, New Feathers or not, I'm Jack of the Tales. I'm in the market for helping out with some odd tasks. A man's got to keep himself busy, right? So lay something on me. As long as it ain't scrubbing toilets, I'm up for it. But just know that my usual line of work is hero business. It's part of why I'm so legendary.

[Some pen taps go here before:] In fact, if anyone's got any suggestions for a more permanent line of work, I'll hear it. [True, Jack is a conman and likes to skirt by doing nothing, but he's been doing that for a month now and it's going to drive him crazy.]

[Answers to his question or not, Jack is going to take a walk around town, with an absentminded dog-sized blue ox following him around. Jack could care less about the company. Aside from stopping in on the stores, he'll be having dinner at Seventh Heaven and later having a beer at Good Spirits. Also, he might be hanging around outside C4 for any new renters that have moved in. Of the female persuasion, of course, but he'll talk to guys too. He just won't care as much.]

((ooc: I suck at hiatus okay, shut up. Tags will come in spurts here and there.))

Comments

[voice]

[originaljackass]

Believe me, I know. My apartment got covered in it once.

[voice]

[doubleppk]

What? Why??

[voice]

[originaljackass]

Let's just say my ex was "murdered" and left a "real" mess.

[Yeah, the way he says that makes it obvious that's not even close to the full or real story.]

[voice]

[doubleppk]

Back home you mean?

Th-that's terrible though! [Mostly the mess though.]

[voice / locked]

[originaljackass]

[He's gonna toss a filter up here, because no need to advertise the kinds of things he does.]

Real terrible. But damn convincing.

[voice / locked]

[doubleppk]

Who'd you need to convince?

[To Fujiko it sounds similar enough to the times she's faked her own death to get out of trouble. Which wasn't always successful. Somehow her enemies tended to figure out how paranoid she was. Damn.]

[voice / locked]

[originaljackass]

Everyone. But mostly her would-be fiancee. So we had to make her murder look real convincing.

[voice / locked]

[doubleppk]

Ah. One of those situations.

You stole her from him?

[voice / locked]

[originaljackass]

More like we duped him into getting engaged with a really large dowry.

[voice / locked]

[doubleppk]

Nice!

Lupin and I kind of did that with this guy who owned the biggest art collection in the world once! Except... it was going to be me. I mean the guy was actually kind of nice. Only Lupin's a jerk and got jealous so decided to pretend to be a woman and stole my fiance from me. And then he wanted me to the best maid, but he promised this Van Gogh I really wanted!

[Sighs.] Lupin's kind of a pain like that.

[voice / locked]

[originaljackass]

... so this guy you're always talking about. He's a crossdresser.

[voice / locked]

[doubleppk]

He's a really flashy thief who can implement any disguise there is. But yeah, he's also a giant pain like that. He's been known to sleep with Davy Jones, flirt with anything with two legs and two breasts, and he's kind of an idiot that makes everything blow up and loses most of his loot in the process.

He's Lupin.