Jack Horner (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
originaljackass) wrote2011-04-29 11:59 am
originaljackass) wrote2011-04-29 11:59 am
Entry tags:
Ch. 5 - The introduction of a very draconian Jack of Fables
[So, the experiment was over. Jack spent an entire day rolling in his gold thinking about it. It was pretty ridiculous. Him? A family man? Raising a kid? It's a wonder he even believed that bullshit. The great Jack Horner was too awesome and cool to be saddled by any woman and he never went around leaving bastard children around. Except that one time, but that was a fluke. He certainly didn't stick around for eighteen some years raising them, that's for sure.
Not that this was at the forefront of his concerns, as he stared gloomily in the river. The reflection of that crocodile grinned beast did little to improve his mood. It was what? Two days ago, he reckons. He was about the size of a walrus, but his lust for wealth was enough to drive him from consuming all the food he could. He managed to steal Sparrow's half of the loot and then turned his so-called brother in for the loot. The more he thought about that, the more convinced he was that not feeling remotely remorseful for it was the right way to go. After all, if he hadn't done it, Sparrow would have. That's how the game was played.
The hike up the mountain had been one that compelled him, almost as strong as the Shift that made him think he was a father. Like some sort of destiny or compulsion or something. He just HAD to find a cave. Somewhere to make sure his loot would be never found. But the moment he spilled the contents, there was more gold than he ever had suspected he collected. Maybe more than had even existed in that dream land. Was it the gold he stole from El Dorado, finally in Luceti? Well, if it was, that would be comforting at least. And he did feel a lot better when he rolled around in it, buried his face under the gold, and had a long dragon nap.
Eventually hunger had won out over greed, leading him to where is now. He'd tried his hand hunting in the forest, but nothing about a twenty ton dragon was subtle and when he tried to chase animals in the woods, he kept tripping over trees and generally being fairly useless. Eventually his eyes settled on the farmlands left over and he realized he had a feast all corralled in one convenient fence. Big, meaty cows. Even though one would last him for a day, he gobbled down three before he was satisfied. Because he hadn't quite got a handle on this flying business yet, he was taking the long way back to his cave, following the river upstream. But his reflection was really distraction.
Damn. How is he going to score with chicks looking like this?]
(tl;dr version - Jack the Dragon can be found prowling the woods and failing at hunting, up in the farmlands, or north of the village along the river. He's a fairly large dragon. Here's a pic for comparison. He can eat a cow in one mouthful, if that tells you anything. Also, tags will come from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dragonjack until... whenever he's human again.)
Not that this was at the forefront of his concerns, as he stared gloomily in the river. The reflection of that crocodile grinned beast did little to improve his mood. It was what? Two days ago, he reckons. He was about the size of a walrus, but his lust for wealth was enough to drive him from consuming all the food he could. He managed to steal Sparrow's half of the loot and then turned his so-called brother in for the loot. The more he thought about that, the more convinced he was that not feeling remotely remorseful for it was the right way to go. After all, if he hadn't done it, Sparrow would have. That's how the game was played.
The hike up the mountain had been one that compelled him, almost as strong as the Shift that made him think he was a father. Like some sort of destiny or compulsion or something. He just HAD to find a cave. Somewhere to make sure his loot would be never found. But the moment he spilled the contents, there was more gold than he ever had suspected he collected. Maybe more than had even existed in that dream land. Was it the gold he stole from El Dorado, finally in Luceti? Well, if it was, that would be comforting at least. And he did feel a lot better when he rolled around in it, buried his face under the gold, and had a long dragon nap.
Eventually hunger had won out over greed, leading him to where is now. He'd tried his hand hunting in the forest, but nothing about a twenty ton dragon was subtle and when he tried to chase animals in the woods, he kept tripping over trees and generally being fairly useless. Eventually his eyes settled on the farmlands left over and he realized he had a feast all corralled in one convenient fence. Big, meaty cows. Even though one would last him for a day, he gobbled down three before he was satisfied. Because he hadn't quite got a handle on this flying business yet, he was taking the long way back to his cave, following the river upstream. But his reflection was really distraction.
Damn. How is he going to score with chicks looking like this?]
(tl;dr version - Jack the Dragon can be found prowling the woods and failing at hunting, up in the farmlands, or north of the village along the river. He's a fairly large dragon. Here's a pic for comparison. He can eat a cow in one mouthful, if that tells you anything. Also, tags will come from
dragonjack until... whenever he's human again.)
/can't think of any more.........MY LITTLE BUTTERCUP HAS THE SWEETEST SMIIIILE
[Nevermind all the baggage about you getting with his woman, Horner.]
...smile? Smile!
[More grumbling at that as he starts to move, circling Sparrow.]
How can you tell if it's a mail plane?
I think I prefer you this way, really. You're still a bastard but at least now there's a bit of pizazz to it all.
Tell us, we *will* die like dogs.
Ha! You're not going to get all pissed off about the gold, are you?
......You will die like dogs?
Gold? Who betrayed me to the authorities and took my share? Who condemned me to prison and torment? Hmmm?
NO! We will fight like lions!
That was me. I managed to beat you to the punch, didn't I? And here I thought you were at least half as clever a bastard as me.
There you go! You can SEW! :D
Right, dragon. You and me, we were family. And you had everything I ever......
WORST BROTHER EVER.
I was thinking later, you could kiss me on the veranda.
Buffy... you wanted her, didn't you? I had her and you couldn't stand it.
The lips would be FINE....
Sew, very old one! Sew like the wind!
[It's so much easier to feel better about being a dragon if Sparrow is even more miserable being his usual self.]
Together we pundered! And pruned...the hedges...of many small villages. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!
Wherever there is injustice, you will find us.
Raine, right? So, did you get a chance to do her at least once before I turned you in?
oiehoile I typed "pundered" instead of "plundered." WHEREVER THERE IS HATRED, WE'LL BE THERE!
What have you done with the gold, Horner?
(Gavin would be proud.) WHEREVER LIBERTY IS THREATENED, YOU WILL FIND...
{Is that a good thing, though} THE THREE AMIGOS!
/TOO LAZY TO LOOK UP MORE QUOTES
Be a bit hard to find anything without your legs. It would especially be tragic if you didn't die from that.
YOU WERE LOOKING THEM UP? MEMORY, BABY. MEMORY.
Only to make sure I quoted them word for word. /perfectionist
[Just to prove a point, he sneers, revealing a row of sharp, solid teeth - each about the length of Sparrow's arm.]
/imperfectionist
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........Bugger.
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Not a good idea, looking for my gold, Sparrow. Especially when you're the first piece of meat I've caught all day.
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Besides, I like the wenches you know.
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