Ch. 4 - People spend their whole lives wishing they were Jack of Fables

[originaljackass]

[Great thing about New Feather cycles? Lots of pretty new faces, all of them in skimpy sundresses, many of them in need of a strapping hero to get them settled in. Jack has been kind enough to oblige a fair number of them. Not as many as he'd like, as he's been beaten to the punch several times. Hiatuses, go figure.]

[Written]

To all the hotties out there, New Feathers or not, I'm Jack of the Tales. I'm in the market for helping out with some odd tasks. A man's got to keep himself busy, right? So lay something on me. As long as it ain't scrubbing toilets, I'm up for it. But just know that my usual line of work is hero business. It's part of why I'm so legendary.

[Some pen taps go here before:] In fact, if anyone's got any suggestions for a more permanent line of work, I'll hear it. [True, Jack is a conman and likes to skirt by doing nothing, but he's been doing that for a month now and it's going to drive him crazy.]

[Answers to his question or not, Jack is going to take a walk around town, with an absentminded dog-sized blue ox following him around. Jack could care less about the company. Aside from stopping in on the stores, he'll be having dinner at Seventh Heaven and later having a beer at Good Spirits. Also, he might be hanging around outside C4 for any new renters that have moved in. Of the female persuasion, of course, but he'll talk to guys too. He just won't care as much.]

((ooc: I suck at hiatus okay, shut up. Tags will come in spurts here and there.))

Comments

[voice]

[doubleppk]

What about really building something interesting, you know?

Like waterslides to get around, or a rollercoaster? Something crazy fantastic that no one would expect, but clearly says we were here, and we didn't let them get us down.

[voice]

[originaljackass]

[... well that certainly wasn't the sort of project he had expected to get assigned to him.]

A roller coaster seems pretty ambitious to me. [Where would he event get the materials?]

[voice]

[doubleppk]

I'm told you have ambition to spare sexy~

[God only knows. This is why Fujiko isn't allowed to make the plans in the Lupin group. It's either all crazy and wtf, or usually just involves shooting and blowing everything up.]

[voice]

[originaljackass]

[Flattery is a powerful tool. Persuasive too. But only when there's at least an element of usefulness to the plan.]

I do, but ambition'll only get you so far.

[voice]

[doubleppk]

And brilliance?

I could make blueprints.

[voice]

[originaljackass]

And materials.

[voice]

[doubleppk]

The Malnosso bring in all sorts of weird things. You could be like MacGuyver and use substitute parts!

[voice]

[originaljackass]

And get a rep for killing people with faulty amusement park rides? Pass.

[voice]

[doubleppk]

You're no fun. [Pouts.]

What kind of thing do you want to make?

[voice]

[originaljackass]

Number one answer: love.

[Obligatory that. But then he considers it a bit more after that.]

If I knew anything about swordcraft, I'd want a new sword. I went and busted my last one in the draft. [Super strength is as much a curse as a blessing. Mundy steel, unfortunately, doesn't quite hold up when you're swinging it around with more than ten times the force of a normal man.]

[voice]

[doubleppk]

Che... I never did succeed in getting the formula for Zantetsuken. [Wistful sigh.]

I didn't take you for a swordsman though.

[voice]

[originaljackass]

The Zante-whatnow?

Guns are better, more effective, and every bit more badass. But in a place like this, having a sword is a statement. Besides, chicks dig that kind of thing.

[voice]

[doubleppk]

Legendary sword, it's unbreakable, made out of a meteorite and it can cut anything. Even lightning or a tornado.

[Pauses and then laughs.] Guns are always better, sugar. [So much more of a serious edge than her usual playful tone.] What makes this place different? Isn't it better to use guns when not so many do?

[voice]

[originaljackass]

Oh, magic swords. I had one once. Nicked it off a giant I killed. Too bad I lost it.

But personally, I like to have all angles covered and pack heat in more than one way. [Besides, it's all about letting people see what they want to see. They'll look at the sword, not the less conspicuous bulge under his jacket where a gun is being kept.]

[voice]

[doubleppk]

How do you keep losing treasures like that? Che... as bad as Lupin...

That at least sounds sensible. [She's the reverse. Lets everyone see the guns and then hides the small shortsword.] Many lines of defense are always better than just one.

[voice]

[originaljackass]

It was along time ago, babe. Besides, it wasn't that special. Sure, it could cut through anything, but the giant called it the "Sword of Sharpness". Not exactly Grade A material.

[voice]

[doubleppk]

[Laughs.] Well, I'm guessing most giants weren't famous for being creative or intelligent.

[voice]

[originaljackass]

Nope, they were pretty much idiots.

[voice]

[doubleppk]

Such a shame with brains that big.

[voice]

[originaljackass]

The bigger the brains, the longer it takes for them to think their giant thoughts. [Well no, he's pretty sure biology doesn't work that way.]

[voice]

[doubleppk]

Oh, is that how it works? [Amused playful grin, like she really doesn't know.]

[voice]

[originaljackass]

In the end, the bigger they are, the less reason they have to be clever.

[voice]

[doubleppk]

That makes sense.

A little.

Seeing as germs and amoeba aren't too clever. Although you never can tell with those slime molds. [Forever teasing him.]

[voice]

[originaljackass]

Not all germs, but they can kill creatures thousands of times bigger than 'em. That's gotta take some smarts there.

[voice]

[doubleppk]

Not when you consider the sheer number of how many that exist and can't succeed. It's just a matter of luck and percentages. Someone always has to win the lottery, but that doesn't mean with all the other participants that it's the best bet.