originaljackass | Ch. 8 - The Death and Return of Jack of Fables

[The moment Jack woke up, somewhere out in the woods, his eyes shot open and he reached for his chest, expecting to find a sword sticking out of it. But there wasn't one. More than that, he could see that his fingers... well, he had fingers. No claws. He felt his face and the familiar stubble was there, as was his long hair, and he quickly determined he had a chest and a feet and his Happy Stick is there and not... scaly.

Whew. Load off his mind. It also proves that people really DO revive in Luceti. But he also knows that people LOSE things when they die. The first thing he does is find something sharp enough to cut himself on. He's pleased to see it quickly heal up, nearly instantly, as if the wound had never been there at all. He then finds a boulder and throws it, proving he is indeed super strong still. So he had his looks and power again... but what about his loot? He'd have to go back to the cave later and see if those bastards that killed him hadn't stolen it all.

... thought he wasn't sure if he should bother. Last thing he wanted to do was risk dragon-ing it up again.

So he takes a long, lonely hike to the village and returns home. He grabs a nice button up shirt, a black sports coat and slacks to toss on. So he'd died twice now. Neither time took. And he was looking as good as ever. Now just as long as he didn't turn into a dragon again, he was A-OK.

So the first thing he does is go to the journals.]

[Voice]

Looks like I'm back to the land of the living and I ain't a dragon anymore. How is it that death is the cure for so many afflictions? First order of business - any women out there wanting a roll in the hay? It's been months since I had any. We can make it as romantic as you like, suits me just fine.

Oh. Guess I owe an apology towards certain individuals for any injuries I may have caused during that scuffle. But in my defense? You guys killed me. So don't expect me to feel too guilty about that.

Thirdly... thirdly... I need some cigarettes and a beer. And some painkillers. I also think I've got on hell of a case of phantom limb going here after losing those extra wings... and the tail.

Oh yeah, anyone seen a tiny blue cow running around? I lost track of the thing a few weeks ago.

[Yeah, screw the journal, he's going to the bar to smoke and drink. If he can't have some sex, this will just have to do.]

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[Hey, don't be judging!]

So maybe I could stand to be a little more generous with it next time around. But there's nothing evil about having money, Saber.

Money is useless in this land anyway. I doubt they would be so kind as to take you back home with your gold in tow.

Meh. Figures I'd lose another fortune, all over again, in a place I couldn't even use it.

[Why does his life suck so much?]

...Who did it?

[ this after a long pause. ]

[He considers telling, but in the end...]

That's between me and her.

Figures, it'd be a her.

[Dying, losing your gold - life is so cruel.]

I'm glad to see you have your priorities in line.

[Oho! Huge grin.] Oh, jealous?

What? Puh-lease. Out of all the possible Jacks I could bother to get jealous over, you are at the very bottom of that list.

Priority one is back to getting out of here.

[He finishes off his sub... and decides he's too full for that second one.]

Incidentally... that sword of yours? It seemed pretty familiar to me.

How did Shakespeare put it? "The lady doth protest too much."

Except next breath you'll be telling me how you supposedly met the guy. And that's exactly the kind of BS that makes my protesting out to be just enough.

[She pauses at what he says and decides to sit up in her bed again. Her head turns to face him, giving him somewhat of a stern look.]

I expected no less. There is a reason why I was granted the wind barrier to make my sword invisible, after all.

[After all, such a famous sword is very easy for anyone to recognize if they see it to a close extent in the open.]

Nope. I was still in the homelands back then.

It looks different to the one in my world. [He goes for a meaningful pause there.] But it's unmistakable what sword it is. So how did a pretty thing like you manage to get Excalibur?

How would you think I could manage to get it? I pulled it out of the stone, naturally.

... did that stone happen to look like me, but with black hair?

Ah...no. It was simply an enchanted stone slab, which no one could pull the sword from unless they were deemed the true heir to the kingdom.

[Jack is grateful she didn't actually stop to ask him about that. The fact Jack was temporarily the 'Stone' for the Sword is not a story he likes to retell.]

So... you're Arthur's replacement. Well damn, that's sure progressive for Camelot.

Then you got to miss out on those funny puffy Medieval shorts. Good for you.

Not a replacement. ...I am Arthur. Or rather Arturia. It is a complicated story.

[A loooong pause ensues.]

So... you used to be a dude? That's... well... [Makes Jack feel better about the fact that he'd mentally equated Saber with 'jailbait' in spite of her immortality.]

[Oh god. She is actually...going to put a palm to her face.]

No Jack. Wipe your indecent thoughts - I was born a woman and I have always been a woman. As I said, it is complicated.

[That gets a flat look.]

Okay... now look, Saber. I know King Arthur, I've met King Arthur, and you miss, are no King Arthur.

Page 4 of 15

Ch. 8 - The Death and Return of Jack of Fables

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