Jack Horner

This post is for threading with Jack anytime and anywhere. It can be used for Action or the Ring feature on journals to get in contact with him for personal conversations.

Note: When making a new thread, please title it like such:

[Action, January 3rd]
[Voice, March 8th]
[Written, June 11th]

Jack's return to Luceti had been a messy affair and he had come back bloody and worst yet, utterly blind. A day had past since then and while Jack had spent that darkness in silence, he'd been relieved when his sight had came back to him. At least until a certain man kept appearing wherever he went. This old man, suited and condescending, had much to say on whatever Jack was doing. By now, Jack had learned to start ignoring him. But it was getting hard, because that man had a way of getting under his skin. He always knew what to say and what not to say.

And nobody could see or hear him but Jack.

But he wouldn't let that ruin his day. He would be found at Good Spirits, doing his part to serve drinks and ignore the old man. But unlike his usual shifts, Jack was partaking of the booze as well. If he got a little buzzed, he figured it would be easier to put up with the judgemental tone.

But before that, he had to settle other things, on the journals:

[Voice]

I'm back. The suits brought me back. I had some blindness for a bit, but it's gone now. To all those sexy hot women who were lost without me? Be lost no more.

Also, Lee. You can bring Clem back. I'll take it from here.

[Voice - Locked to Women]

Ladies, Jack Horner here. You may have seen my movie. If not, I work at Good Spirits, the local and only bar. We run a classy joint, but it's come to my attention that my good friend and fellow server of alcoholic beverages, has been going through a rough patch. This man has been going for far too long without a good and proper fucking. The man has no girlfriend and yet he continues to serve your drinks with no complaints. Oh sure, he's constantly scowling and he's about as pleasant as a cactus, but the point is: this man is rendering a service without asking for anything in return.

So I ask you ladies, who will take one for the team and give this man some action? Sure, he's sort of plain looking and in desperate need of a haircut, but he's not that bad. I mean, here, let me show you a picture.

[The video pans to a picture Jack managed to obtain that displays Asch the Bloody. See how sad he looks? How desperate he is for some action?]

This man's name is Asch. And he needs you.

Oh, for the record, I wouldn't be against a little extra action thrown my way. Not that I'm desperate or anything. Far from it. Just thought I'd offer.

( Action all up in here )

[Voice]

Hey Luceti, looking good. Your old pal Jack Horner is back, better than ever. How's it been? Did you miss me? Damn is it good to be back here. Did you guys redecorate? Things look different. Kind of.

Hey Buffy, you still with that second-rate knock off of me? How about we climb in bed and you can slay me next? Or Saber, you could be my Once and Future Fling. Lightning, babe, how about we ignite that spark between us again. Aerith, let me offer some help with your gardening and do some deflowering. Karai, feel free to ninja your way between my sheets at your convenience. Saten, I'd love to explore your dark side, inch by inch. And Nami, you're Luceti's next top model, so just for you, I'll let you do the topping.

Damn, can I just say that I missed you guys? Well, you know, not while I was home. Didn't remember any of you. But holy hell am I glad to be back here again.

[Voice]

All the kids were packed at the beach yesterday. I took a stroll through there, just to be reminded that over half this place is under the age of seventeen. What a pain.

[Having spent a few centuries in a town full of immortals, teenagers and children were a pretty rare sight, save for those stuck at that age like Pinocchio and Ozma. So for a womanizer like Jack who has standards about the age of the Mundys he dates, this isvery much a pain in the ass.]

Let's have our own beach shindig. One evening, at sunset, with a cabana for serving drinks. There's not as many of us people who are on the better side of twenty, but us old people have to stick together. [Yet despite being hundreds of years old, Jack has never, ever felt old.] Anybody willing to throw their hat in for the bar tending? I'll even throw the hut together for you. [After all, he did make the House that Jack Built.]

Oh, one more thing. To all the beautiful new babes out there - and I'm not talking to you schoolgirls out there - welcome to Luceti. I'm Jack Horner. We should get to know each other better.

[Action]

[Meanwhile, Jack's day is a rather interesting one as he sits at home and rubs his gut. When did he get a gut? How could he get a gut? He doesn't like this, not at all. He's vaguely terrified he's going to turn into a dragon all over again. Ultimately it drives him out of the house and to the stores, so he can look for a weight lifting set. Though when he does finally locate one, he realizes his own super strength is going to be working against him if he actually wants to get legit exercise. Damn. It prompts him to get back on the journals a few hours later with a different message.]

[Written]

Anyone got any tips for staying in shape? I mean, besides the diet and exercise shit. [A pause as he considers. He doesn't have the patience or discipline for that kind of thing.] Like a job or something.

[When Jack Horner woke this morning, he did so on a pile of gold and with a pain in his back as if he had at one point had two massive wings and a tail sticking out of two different points of it. He was also, quite awkwardly, completely naked. Fortunately enough amongst his belongings, a few suits had got tossed into that briefcase of his, so he changed into one of those and deciding he looked decidedly handsome like this, got to his feet and paying little mind to his collection of gold, set foot out of the cave and... spotted the village a few miles away. That was going to be an annoying walk.

Some hours later, Jack strolls into Luceti. Being hungry, his first stop is one of the restaurants, then he'll go check up on his old apartment, need to look in on Babe wherever that dumb cow got to, and maybe pester Buffy about getting his old clothes back. At the very least, though, he's acting pleasant and is actually legitimately happy. Not because he's been forced to be happy, but because for once, he's not looking out for number one. After sorting through most of his stuff, he hops on the journals to leave a message.]

[Voice]

Looks like I beat the dragon thing. Good thing too, gottta say, the whole experience was a shitty one. For the record, never eat a bear whole. I don't know how Bigby survives. [Well, whatever. More importantly...] So... anything important happen these last two months?

((ooc: responses will be slow until the evening!))

[Right now he's got his feet kicked up on a stack of all the various books he could find where he was in them. Collections of fairy tales, fables, and more colorful adaptions - all of them. The other day he raided the library and took all of them home. If people want to go off and read about him, they'll have to talk to the real thing first. After having spoken to some other people about their worlds and sharing his own identity when convenient, Jack has come to some conclusions about Luceti. Ones that requires a little more looking into.]

[Voice]

You people have legends in your world, right? Any of them true? Any of you ever met them? Or hell, maybe some of you are the legendary type too.

I'm one of the latter. I'm Jack of the Tales - at least, all the good ones. Any of you [losers] people heard of me?

Oh right, one more thing. Someone mind telling me how those filters work? Seems like it could be handy.

[Later, for anyone who wants to bother him in person, he'll be hanging out at the shops, wishing he had money to spend on all of it (even though it's all free). Luceti is a poor place to be for a man obsessed with wealth.]