Ch. 13 - There's no dating service quite like Jack of Fables

[originaljackass]

[Voice - Locked to Women]

Ladies, Jack Horner here. You may have seen my movie. If not, I work at Good Spirits, the local and only bar. We run a classy joint, but it's come to my attention that my good friend and fellow server of alcoholic beverages, has been going through a rough patch. This man has been going for far too long without a good and proper fucking. The man has no girlfriend and yet he continues to serve your drinks with no complaints. Oh sure, he's constantly scowling and he's about as pleasant as a cactus, but the point is: this man is rendering a service without asking for anything in return.

So I ask you ladies, who will take one for the team and give this man some action? Sure, he's sort of plain looking and in desperate need of a haircut, but he's not that bad. I mean, here, let me show you a picture.

[The video pans to a picture Jack managed to obtain that displays Asch the Bloody. See how sad he looks? How desperate he is for some action?]

This man's name is Asch. And he needs you.

Oh, for the record, I wouldn't be against a little extra action thrown my way. Not that I'm desperate or anything. Far from it. Just thought I'd offer.

Comments

[smallsurvivor]

[WELP, little women are women too.]

Hey, Jack? What's a "good and proper fucking"?

[Clementine knows "fuck" is a bad word and shouldn't be said, but the way he used it makes it sound like something else entirely.]

[originaljackass]

[Crap. He forgot to specify adult women. Dammit.]

It's a word from my homeland. It means hugging.

1/2

[herotypical]

[ ...what the actual hell. ]

2/2

[herotypical]

Oh, this is gonna be a hoot to watch. I hope he...[ guts you. wait. no. that would be a terrible thing to say to a man who has been sworded to death. ] I hope his retaliation is glorious and entertaining.

[touchofrogue]

[Do you hear that sound, Jack? That is the sound of a slow clap. It goes on for about ten seconds or so.]

An' the award for actual classiest act goes to...

[Why? Because it's a slow day at the Item Shop and some forms of stupidity deserve commentary, however brief it may be.]

[originaljackass]

[Dryly.] That's not very helpful.

voice;

[ex_tessen852]

Please tell me this is a joke.

voice;

[originaljackass]

This isn't a joking subject, little lady.

[voice]

[seleniahymn]

[Okay, Tear isn't even going to pretend she and Asch are close by any means. But this?]

I sincerely doubt this is what he wants.

[voice]

[originaljackass]

No no, trust me. We talked. This is what he wants. He may not have said it, but the hints were obvious.

voice;

[degleamed]

[ um ]

You mean, sparring? That kind of action?

[ THAT'S WHAT HE MEANS RIGHT ]

voice;

[fleurdesel]

No, no he does not- and I think this is something that you and I should discuss elsewhere, later. It ties into vulgarities and a great deal of what I outlined and highlighted in the book I loaned you.

voice;

[originaljackass]

Not quite, kiddo. The more intimate kind.

[Video]

[swordprincess]

[Someone else who needs something to do? That's what it looks like to Karla.]

This "Asch" needs some action, you say? I suppose I could use some myself.

[The problem? Karla doesn't exactly know what the word "fucking" means...]

[Video]

[originaljackass]

Finally! About time we had a lady not too afraid to live a little.

[video]

[tokennonbender]

[Asami just looks...bewildered...by this.]

...So is this something people normally use these books for?

[Because ew.]

[video]

[originaljackass]

I prefer to think of them as being adaptable to any situation or request. Why, you interested?

[video]

[fleurdesel]

I never thought I would see a man that is a bigger ass than Loki.

[Honestly, she has to applaud that much if nothing else.]

[video]

[originaljackass]

This Loki sounds like a good guy.

[Video]

[fashionably_strong]

Wow, are you trying to come across as sleazy or does it just come natural to you?

[Video]

[originaljackass]

What's with all these kids? What's a man got to do to find some age appropriate women?

[Video]

[origami_ninja]

...does your friend know you are doing this?

[Video]

[originaljackass]

Yes and no. I'm trying to surprise him. So if you're interested, you'll have to play it cool. A man has his pride, after all.

[Voice]

[installing]

Because I'm sure anyone would appreciate you doing this for them behind their back.

[Voice]

[originaljackass]

Sarcasm doesn't suit suit you, Win.

[voice]

[strangelyliteral]

[Oh.

This guy.

She had almost forgotten about that rain check.]

Is this what you do to make your own excitement?

[voice]

[originaljackass]

I have plenty of my own excitement already, babe. I'm trying to arrange some for someone else.

[Voice]

[bubblywishes]

[Norma takes one look at this journal and just...stops. Stops, rereads the post, gazes upon the image provided, and promptly explodes with laughter. Deep, loud, honest, unending laughter. In fact, she actually has to step away from her journal to wipe her face - because yes, she is indeed crying from laughing so hard - before returning to her journal, letting out a deep breath.

Hello, fellow bar worker, the young'n server of the crew enjoys your joke very much.]

Well, I wouldn't say plain looking, and I think the long and luxurious hair kinda suits him, but you're right about Chuckles needing to cheer up big time. ...Though I dooon't think this is the way to go about that.

[Voice]

[originaljackass]

[Right. HE KNOWS THIS KID. Her name is... N-something. He honestly hasn't remembered because she's too young for him to give a second glance. Hrm.]

Is that so? What would you suggest?