originaljackass | Ch. 13 - There's no dating service quite like Jack of Fables

[Voice - Locked to Women]

Ladies, Jack Horner here. You may have seen my movie. If not, I work at Good Spirits, the local and only bar. We run a classy joint, but it's come to my attention that my good friend and fellow server of alcoholic beverages, has been going through a rough patch. This man has been going for far too long without a good and proper fucking. The man has no girlfriend and yet he continues to serve your drinks with no complaints. Oh sure, he's constantly scowling and he's about as pleasant as a cactus, but the point is: this man is rendering a service without asking for anything in return.

So I ask you ladies, who will take one for the team and give this man some action? Sure, he's sort of plain looking and in desperate need of a haircut, but he's not that bad. I mean, here, let me show you a picture.

[The video pans to a picture Jack managed to obtain that displays Asch the Bloody. See how sad he looks? How desperate he is for some action?]

This man's name is Asch. And he needs you.

Oh, for the record, I wouldn't be against a little extra action thrown my way. Not that I'm desperate or anything. Far from it. Just thought I'd offer.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Was that a twinge of sadness he detected?]

You're not trying to make this into a moment, are you?

Of course not! Who would want a moment with you?

It just seemed like a moment. As if you were all sad and reluctant.

No, I just think it's weird that I know you, but I don't really know you. I know a different you, who is similar to this you.

[It's all the same person, she knows, but knowing "experiment Jack" doesn't mean she knows him well enough to call out "Real Jack."]

Well, I'll make it simple for you, Win. Just imagine that other me, now imagine him ten times more incredible. Now you know the real me.

I think your definition of incredible might be different than mine.

Possibly. I'm more familiar with the concept, after all.

Oh, I'm sure you are.

Don't be so quick to doubt, Win. You haven't earn heard any of my stories yet. I'm kind of a big deal.

You killed some giants and turned into a dragon. Sound about right?

But what about that time I was a winter god? Or I spend years traveling the world as a shambling corpse? Or my brief stint as Lord of the Apes? My time as the deadliest quickdraw in the West? You've just got the opening and closing bits. You're missing all the stuff in the middle.

Why did you do all that stuff?

Because I lived. And when I'm not locked in a little cage, I tend to do some pretty amazing stuff.

...Actually that sounds a little lame. Doing all that stuff to save someone, or because you have a debt - those reasons are interesting.

Oh, Win. It's adorable that you try to downplay these things.

No, I'm being serious! Doing all those things just because is not a real reason! That's boring!

[Needlessly putting himself in danger just so he can have bragging rights is dumb.]

I never said just because. They happened because they happened. I didn't go looking for all of them to happen, they just did.

Oh...

That's still not interesting. What's the point of it all?

What's the point of you waking up each day?

Back home? To keep working to become a better engineer. There's always room to improve.

That's not very interesting.

It's much better than "all this crazy stuff happens to me just because I'm alive"!

Hardly. I live every day to get the most out of life. Experience everything I can. Sometimes, I get really awesome days out of it. Sometimes, I get really crappy ones. But the plus side of the really crappy ones is that they make some pretty awesome stories.

I just don't see it the same way you do, okay?

[It's missing something. Purpose? Drive?]

You're the one who started criticizing it, Win.

[Voice]

installing - 2013-05-27 17:41 (UTC) - Expand

originaljackass - 2013-05-28 03:08 (UTC) - Expand