originaljackass | Ch. 13 - There's no dating service quite like Jack of Fables

[Voice - Locked to Women]

Ladies, Jack Horner here. You may have seen my movie. If not, I work at Good Spirits, the local and only bar. We run a classy joint, but it's come to my attention that my good friend and fellow server of alcoholic beverages, has been going through a rough patch. This man has been going for far too long without a good and proper fucking. The man has no girlfriend and yet he continues to serve your drinks with no complaints. Oh sure, he's constantly scowling and he's about as pleasant as a cactus, but the point is: this man is rendering a service without asking for anything in return.

So I ask you ladies, who will take one for the team and give this man some action? Sure, he's sort of plain looking and in desperate need of a haircut, but he's not that bad. I mean, here, let me show you a picture.

[The video pans to a picture Jack managed to obtain that displays Asch the Bloody. See how sad he looks? How desperate he is for some action?]

This man's name is Asch. And he needs you.

Oh, for the record, I wouldn't be against a little extra action thrown my way. Not that I'm desperate or anything. Far from it. Just thought I'd offer.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Whatever. This is what I get for trying to help people.

[She gives him a rather sour look.]

Sex isn't going to make him less depressed.

It's always worked for me.

Somehow, that doesn't surprise me in the least.

But it's temporary.

If you found him a date or something to do that isn't empty and pointless it would probably work a lot better.

Too late for that. I'd ask you, but you're already spoken for.

[Well that and she would've said no on principle at this point.]

How is it too late?

People have got me figured all wrong. They won't go for it now. I cast the die and the odds weren't in my favor. Life goes on.

Hmm. That's true. You do come off as boorish and perverted at this point.

You could get him to ask. In a less awful fashion.

It's a wonder you still have a boyfriend.

It helps that he's nothing like you.

My condolences. He sounds boring.

If by 'boring', you mean 'not a jackass' then...yes, I suppose you're right.

If you want to call 'exciting' and 'adventurous' and 'experienced' as 'being a jackass', that's your loss.

Except he's all of those things and he doesn't randomly proposition strangers for sex.

His loss.

I don't know. It got him me so it worked out pretty well for him.

[She knows she's awesome, and occasionally it's worth pointing out.]

Hm.

[That's a very skeptical 'hm'. The sort of 'hm' that doesn't say anything, but might suggest Jack isn't so sure that's a good thing, but without him actually having to say that.

All in all, it's a very sneaky 'hm'.]

[Asami is well trained in the niceties of polite conversation, so she can easily tell just how sneaky that 'hm' there is. She just smirks.]

Whatever you want to say, feel free.

I have absolutely no idea what you mean, babe.

That's what I thought.

[Jack is getting an epic hair flip as she hangs up. Click.]

Ch. 13 - There's no dating service quite like Jack of Fables

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video] Nobody saw that,

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]