Ch. 13 - There's no dating service quite like Jack of Fables

[originaljackass]

[Voice - Locked to Women]

Ladies, Jack Horner here. You may have seen my movie. If not, I work at Good Spirits, the local and only bar. We run a classy joint, but it's come to my attention that my good friend and fellow server of alcoholic beverages, has been going through a rough patch. This man has been going for far too long without a good and proper fucking. The man has no girlfriend and yet he continues to serve your drinks with no complaints. Oh sure, he's constantly scowling and he's about as pleasant as a cactus, but the point is: this man is rendering a service without asking for anything in return.

So I ask you ladies, who will take one for the team and give this man some action? Sure, he's sort of plain looking and in desperate need of a haircut, but he's not that bad. I mean, here, let me show you a picture.

[The video pans to a picture Jack managed to obtain that displays Asch the Bloody. See how sad he looks? How desperate he is for some action?]

This man's name is Asch. And he needs you.

Oh, for the record, I wouldn't be against a little extra action thrown my way. Not that I'm desperate or anything. Far from it. Just thought I'd offer.

Comments

[action]

[originaljackass]

Jack began to place a slice of the pizza on his own plate. "Let's hope it tastes better than it looks."

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

Anya eyes it dubiously before shrugging and removing a slice for herself. The cheese was a bit on the gooey side, the crust a little too chewy...

[action]

[originaljackass]

But all in all, it was edible and not entirely terribly.

"As a long time New Yorker, I can say in complete honesty? I've had worse."

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

It didn't have fish and peanutbutter toppings, so she was satisfied in that regard. "Given they don't even take a tip here, maybe there's no incentive to get better."

[action]

[originaljackass]

"Further proof of this town's egregious need for a monetary system."

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

"Should keep a list. Maybe we can get one of those, what are they called, petitions going."

[action]

[originaljackass]

"A petition for the acquisition of money? I'd sign it."

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

"Really? Can I get that in writing?"

[action]

[originaljackass]

"Me signing it would be in writing."

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

"Right. Just remember that when I bring the paperwork around."

[action]

[originaljackass]

"I haven't forgotten a thing in a thousand years, Anya." He lied. "I won't start now."

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

"You better not, or that would just be plain rude."

[action]

[originaljackass]

Jack finished another slice of pizza and decided he was done. "For now? The lack of money don't matter. I wouldn't tip even if I could."

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

"I grudgingly agree. Don't worry. Someday we'll change all of that."

[action]

[originaljackass]

"Well, what do you know. The two of us are a team already."

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

"Yes." She agrees, then pushes her plate aside. "It's time to go." No tips, no payment, no point in hanging around the restaurant. "Thank you for the invitation."

[action]

[originaljackass]

"Already?" He looked disappointed, but didn't protest. "Drop by the bar sometime. I'll fix you something nice. No tip required."

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

"Right. You'll see me around."