Ch. 13 - There's no dating service quite like Jack of Fables

[originaljackass]

[Voice - Locked to Women]

Ladies, Jack Horner here. You may have seen my movie. If not, I work at Good Spirits, the local and only bar. We run a classy joint, but it's come to my attention that my good friend and fellow server of alcoholic beverages, has been going through a rough patch. This man has been going for far too long without a good and proper fucking. The man has no girlfriend and yet he continues to serve your drinks with no complaints. Oh sure, he's constantly scowling and he's about as pleasant as a cactus, but the point is: this man is rendering a service without asking for anything in return.

So I ask you ladies, who will take one for the team and give this man some action? Sure, he's sort of plain looking and in desperate need of a haircut, but he's not that bad. I mean, here, let me show you a picture.

[The video pans to a picture Jack managed to obtain that displays Asch the Bloody. See how sad he looks? How desperate he is for some action?]

This man's name is Asch. And he needs you.

Oh, for the record, I wouldn't be against a little extra action thrown my way. Not that I'm desperate or anything. Far from it. Just thought I'd offer.

Comments

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

"... Do you think they know how to make pizza?"

She hadn't come across it on the menu yet, but it would be an easy thing to order without being complicated. Though the menu does mention that it takes custom orders that aren't on the menu as well.

[action]

[originaljackass]

"Wouldn't be much of a restaurant if they didn't, right? Stay put, I'll go find out."

He stood.

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

"Right-o. Staying put here."

She sits back in the chair, folding her arms and taking a better look around.

[action]

[originaljackass]

Jack spent some time discussing the issue with the person out front, explaining what he wanted, making vague gestures, and relating a tale about the time he invented pizza, before finally returning to Anya.

"I hope you like pepperoni."

He didn't mean the Luceti ship.

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

That took a while, but it probably felt longer due to the boredom factor.

"Sounds good compared to what Dawn orders in."

[action]

[originaljackass]

"Dawn?"

In all of his time knowing Buffy, he'd never bothered remembering she had a sister.

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

She's more surprised he didn't ask her to clarify what the toppings usually were.

"Buffy's sister?"

[action]

[originaljackass]

"She has a sister?"

How much of Buffy's chatter had Jack ignored as he thought about his next awesome thing to say?

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

"There's a whole funny story about that. Uhm - not really a funny story. But a big story. Don't you work with her?"

[action]

[originaljackass]

He nodded. "We do, but it's not like we swap life stories. I don't go telling her all about my relations."

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

"Why does this surprise you then?"

[action]

[originaljackass]

"I pictured her as an only child."

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

"She sort of is, but none of us remember it."

[action]

[originaljackass]

He assumed that Anya meant that it was before Dawn was born.

"I don't think that counts."

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

"How do you know what counts or not? You didn't even know she existed."

[action]

[originaljackass]

"I'm just saying, every firstborn kid is an 'only child' until the next one pops out. So it doesn't count."

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

"Oh, it wasn't like that. She didn't exist until the monks made her."

[action]

[originaljackass]

Jack's jaw momentarily went slack before he replied. "The who made the what now?"

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

"Dawn. It's - look, if Buffy didn't even tell you that much? Then I'm pretty sure I shouldn't."

Re: [action]

[originaljackass]

"I'll just have to ask for myself, then." Realizing he was spending this date talking about Buffy, he changed the subject. "So what about you? You're not a slayer, vampire or monk are you?"

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

"Nope. No power, no fangs, no weird chants. Kind of a raw deal." One that sometimes felt too close and too raw for comfort, even in a place that lacked excitement like this. "What about you?"

[action]

[originaljackass]

"Fable," Jack answered with particular satisfaction. "Immortal and practically unkillable. And with all the perks that come with it."

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

"So you're not human. Or a demon." She attempts to process that description, moving her head to get a better look at him. "But what exactly is a Fable? Isn't that like, a story or something? I'm not exactly up to date on those."

[action]

[originaljackass]

"Oh, I'm still human. See, where I come from, we call ourselves Fables to distinguish yourself from the Mundies. That'd be the people who come from theMundane world. Earth. Us Fables seem to have a way of getting caught up in their imaginations. For instance, me? I got one called Jack and the Beanstalk. It's one of my more popular tales."

[action]

[strangelyliteral]

"So the worlds sort of exist together, except for the part where they don't? Kind of like another dimension?" She's trying here. His lingo is still a little lost on her, but then again, so was most of the crowd's back home.