originaljackass | Ch. 13 - There's no dating service quite like Jack of Fables

[Voice - Locked to Women]

Ladies, Jack Horner here. You may have seen my movie. If not, I work at Good Spirits, the local and only bar. We run a classy joint, but it's come to my attention that my good friend and fellow server of alcoholic beverages, has been going through a rough patch. This man has been going for far too long without a good and proper fucking. The man has no girlfriend and yet he continues to serve your drinks with no complaints. Oh sure, he's constantly scowling and he's about as pleasant as a cactus, but the point is: this man is rendering a service without asking for anything in return.

So I ask you ladies, who will take one for the team and give this man some action? Sure, he's sort of plain looking and in desperate need of a haircut, but he's not that bad. I mean, here, let me show you a picture.

[The video pans to a picture Jack managed to obtain that displays Asch the Bloody. See how sad he looks? How desperate he is for some action?]

This man's name is Asch. And he needs you.

Oh, for the record, I wouldn't be against a little extra action thrown my way. Not that I'm desperate or anything. Far from it. Just thought I'd offer.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Sounds brutal." Not like anything she wanted to be a part of. "How long have you been here, again?"

"I was here about eight months before. That was about two years ago, in Luceti time. I came back two months ago." What he didn't mention was how a decade passed between his trips to Luceti.

"That sounds confusing. Here I thought you might have been one of the longer stays." Just by virtue of how on top of things he seemed to be. But maybe that was just the way Mr. Fables wanted to present himself.

Jack shrugged. "You live long enough, you learn to adapt easily. This place isn't the strangest place I've been and it ain't exactly complicated."

"Yep. Adaptation. Good, old, adaptation."

She was used to it. Didn't make it suck less, in her opinion. "I guess it isn't very complicated. Just dull when you get down to it." She jerks her head toward the direction of the kitchen. "Think they've figured out how to make a pizza yet?"

Jack turned around and stared at the kitchen. "Who knows. I think I may have seen a robot back there." He shook his head. "We should've just went for something frozen."

"... The chef is a robot?"

"Possibly a robot." Jack shrugged. "I've seen weirder."

"I just didn't expect it in this kind of place." She shrugs.

"Well there's your problem, Anya. You go expecting things here, then you're going to just end up looking surprised a lot." And then their pizza arrived. Jack looked entirely unsurprised.

"... Just like home then."

Well, she'd seen worse pizzas. And how would the taste hold up? "About time."

Jack began to place a slice of the pizza on his own plate. "Let's hope it tastes better than it looks."

Anya eyes it dubiously before shrugging and removing a slice for herself. The cheese was a bit on the gooey side, the crust a little too chewy...

But all in all, it was edible and not entirely terribly.

"As a long time New Yorker, I can say in complete honesty? I've had worse."

It didn't have fish and peanutbutter toppings, so she was satisfied in that regard. "Given they don't even take a tip here, maybe there's no incentive to get better."