originaljackass | Ch. 13 - There's no dating service quite like Jack of Fables

[Voice - Locked to Women]

Ladies, Jack Horner here. You may have seen my movie. If not, I work at Good Spirits, the local and only bar. We run a classy joint, but it's come to my attention that my good friend and fellow server of alcoholic beverages, has been going through a rough patch. This man has been going for far too long without a good and proper fucking. The man has no girlfriend and yet he continues to serve your drinks with no complaints. Oh sure, he's constantly scowling and he's about as pleasant as a cactus, but the point is: this man is rendering a service without asking for anything in return.

So I ask you ladies, who will take one for the team and give this man some action? Sure, he's sort of plain looking and in desperate need of a haircut, but he's not that bad. I mean, here, let me show you a picture.

[The video pans to a picture Jack managed to obtain that displays Asch the Bloody. See how sad he looks? How desperate he is for some action?]

This man's name is Asch. And he needs you.

Oh, for the record, I wouldn't be against a little extra action thrown my way. Not that I'm desperate or anything. Far from it. Just thought I'd offer.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Sure it would. But probably not with you. He'd want someone more experienced.

[ r u d e ]

I suppose that makes sense.

You seem like a good kid, though. What's your name?

I'm Rapunzel. It's nice to meet you, Jack.

[ She...thinks. ]

[... wait a second.]

Let me guess. You were named after the princess with the long hair?

Actually, I am the princess with the long hair.

...Or, at least, I was. Hair cut.

Just now? [Because with her hair that short, it's the only explanation. Granted, he knows this isn't the Rapunzel he knows. Unless it's one from a long, long, long time ago. But the face doesn't seem quite right for that. Much less the hair color.]

Um...it was over a month ago, actually.

And it's not all grown back?

No. It won't, either.

So you're not really Rapunzel, then.

[ bitch she might be ]

What? Of course I am!

Listen, I know Rapunzel. She's a good friend of mine. And I know how her hair works. That woman gets six haircuts a day just so she can fit in. And she's a blonde.

She must be a different Rapunzel than me. [ Obviously. ] My hair used to be long and blonde, but when it's cut, it doesn't grow back. I really am who I say, though.

... so you're some Mundy knock off. Figures.

[He's somewhat disappointed. He'd been vaguely hoping that just maybe she was actually his Rapunzel, a few years earlier. It'd be someone familiar. And way better than Boy Blue.]

Some...come again? [ Mundy...? ]

Mundy. It's a little complicated. Suffice to say, you're not the real Rapunzel. Not the one I know, anyway.

Maybe I'm not the same one you know, but that doesn't make me any less of a Rapunzel!

Your hair says otherwise.

[ Oh, she didn't like that. Not at all. Not when she was already having trouble finding herself after that particular incident that took her hair away. ]

Just because it got cut, i-it doesn't change who I am.

Edited 2013-05-28 06:08 (UTC)

When your story is 'the girl with the stupidly long hair', I'd say it kind of does. I wouldn't be very Jack-esque if I suddenly became boring and quiet.

Stories come to an end, you know.

The good ones never do.

[ She's silent for a moment, before she replies hastily. ]

I think I've talked to you enough, Mr. Horner. Good day.

[ And she cuts off the feed. ]

Ch. 13 - There's no dating service quite like Jack of Fables

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