originaljackass | Ch. 13 - There's no dating service quite like Jack of Fables

[Voice - Locked to Women]

Ladies, Jack Horner here. You may have seen my movie. If not, I work at Good Spirits, the local and only bar. We run a classy joint, but it's come to my attention that my good friend and fellow server of alcoholic beverages, has been going through a rough patch. This man has been going for far too long without a good and proper fucking. The man has no girlfriend and yet he continues to serve your drinks with no complaints. Oh sure, he's constantly scowling and he's about as pleasant as a cactus, but the point is: this man is rendering a service without asking for anything in return.

So I ask you ladies, who will take one for the team and give this man some action? Sure, he's sort of plain looking and in desperate need of a haircut, but he's not that bad. I mean, here, let me show you a picture.

[The video pans to a picture Jack managed to obtain that displays Asch the Bloody. See how sad he looks? How desperate he is for some action?]

This man's name is Asch. And he needs you.

Oh, for the record, I wouldn't be against a little extra action thrown my way. Not that I'm desperate or anything. Far from it. Just thought I'd offer.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Sensei is a word reserved for a teacher, especially one who teaches the combat arts. Jiraiya was the man who taught me how to fight when I was a child, so I refer to him as Jiraiya-sensei.

[Pause.]

...he also developed spying techniques specifically for peeping at women.

Edited 2013-05-20 03:37 (UTC)

Sounds like my kind of ninja.

Which is exactly why I mentioned him. He would have liked you.

If he ever shows up, send him to the bar. I'll pour him a drink.

He was here months ago. If he returns, I'll direct him there and tell him to introduce himself. He wrote books I suspect you would like, too.

I'm not a big reader, but sure. You do that.

[Vaguely amused.]

His books are smutty comedy stories.

Smut is better in video and even better in person.

I prefer using my imagination.

[And that's about as close as she'll ever come to admitting that she reads smutty books sometimes.]

Do that a lot, do you?

I wouldn't say a lot. Although being a shinobi does require a certain level of imagination.

... kinky. I guess everyone's gotta get some action somehow.

We are referring to two very different kinds of action. ...although I did know one person where the two were one and the same to him.

[Hidan - powerful and lethal, but not very bright.]

Yeah, I was talking about masturbating.

...I wasn't.

[Although with her paper clone jutsu, she could get very creative with that if she was so inclined.]

I noticed. You going through your menagerie of old buddies drove you off topic.

Fair enough. There's only so much one can really say about sex, though.

Ch. 13 - There's no dating service quite like Jack of Fables

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