originaljackass | Ch. 13 - There's no dating service quite like Jack of Fables

[Voice - Locked to Women]

Ladies, Jack Horner here. You may have seen my movie. If not, I work at Good Spirits, the local and only bar. We run a classy joint, but it's come to my attention that my good friend and fellow server of alcoholic beverages, has been going through a rough patch. This man has been going for far too long without a good and proper fucking. The man has no girlfriend and yet he continues to serve your drinks with no complaints. Oh sure, he's constantly scowling and he's about as pleasant as a cactus, but the point is: this man is rendering a service without asking for anything in return.

So I ask you ladies, who will take one for the team and give this man some action? Sure, he's sort of plain looking and in desperate need of a haircut, but he's not that bad. I mean, here, let me show you a picture.

[The video pans to a picture Jack managed to obtain that displays Asch the Bloody. See how sad he looks? How desperate he is for some action?]

This man's name is Asch. And he needs you.

Oh, for the record, I wouldn't be against a little extra action thrown my way. Not that I'm desperate or anything. Far from it. Just thought I'd offer.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Right. HE KNOWS THIS KID. Her name is... N-something. He honestly hasn't remembered because she's too young for him to give a second glance. Hrm.]

Is that so? What would you suggest?

[Don't worry, Jack, Norma doesn't know a quarter of the bar staff by their real names - just the nicknames she gives them, or vague and hilarious descriptions of their faces. She is the very best employee.]

Uh...well, I can't say since I don't really know the guy outside of working with him. But going behind his back to snag him a girlfriend seems kinda shady, and pretty gross. Especially when you're asking us lovely females to sleep with the guy. Not very appealing, especially for a grump like that.

Maybe a date first or something, y'know? Get to know ol' Chuckles first.

I think dating would be asking too much. All I'm asking for is someone giving up one evening to help out a poor social recluse.

...Seriously? I think asking us ladies to sleep with the guy is asking way too much, but what would I know as a female myself? [She shrugs with a light snort. Men can be so thick skulled and single-minded, it's ridiculous. Of course Norma doesn't blame Asch for this, she knows he'll raise hell to the utmost degree, but this isn't helping other males out there.]

Why do you even care so much about his intimacy levels anyway? It's not like you're benefiting out of getting him a "bed bug", let's just say.

[He ignores the first point.]

Can't a guy just help a buddy in need, no strings attached?

Well, I guess it's possible, just not very probable. Not a lotta people give things away for free, so I'm just wondering what's in it for you if Chuckles gets himself a lady-friend for a night or something. Bragging rights? Or are you gonna hold the fact that you got him one over his head? ...because that'd make some mean blackmail, I think.

If he doesn't try and kill you.

Kiddo, sometimes people are nice just for the sake of being nice.

Really? [She's not buying that.] How very thought of you. Be sure to repeat that to the ol' grump when he figures out what you're up to. Maybe he'll buy it better than I do.

I'll do that. Thanks.

Ch. 13 - There's no dating service quite like Jack of Fables

[Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice]