originaljackass | Ch. 8 - The Death and Return of Jack of Fables

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Ch. 8 - The Death and Return of Jack of Fables

[The moment Jack woke up, somewhere out in the woods, his eyes shot open and he reached for his chest, expecting to find a sword sticking out of it. But there wasn't one. More than that, he could see that his fingers... well, he had fingers. No claws. He felt his face and the familiar stubble was there, as was his long hair, and he quickly determined he had a chest and a feet and his Happy Stick is there and not... scaly.

Whew. Load off his mind. It also proves that people really DO revive in Luceti. But he also knows that people LOSE things when they die. The first thing he does is find something sharp enough to cut himself on. He's pleased to see it quickly heal up, nearly instantly, as if the wound had never been there at all. He then finds a boulder and throws it, proving he is indeed super strong still. So he had his looks and power again... but what about his loot? He'd have to go back to the cave later and see if those bastards that killed him hadn't stolen it all.

... thought he wasn't sure if he should bother. Last thing he wanted to do was risk dragon-ing it up again.

So he takes a long, lonely hike to the village and returns home. He grabs a nice button up shirt, a black sports coat and slacks to toss on. So he'd died twice now. Neither time took. And he was looking as good as ever. Now just as long as he didn't turn into a dragon again, he was A-OK.

So the first thing he does is go to the journals.]

[Voice]

Looks like I'm back to the land of the living and I ain't a dragon anymore. How is it that death is the cure for so many afflictions? First order of business - any women out there wanting a roll in the hay? It's been months since I had any. We can make it as romantic as you like, suits me just fine.

Oh. Guess I owe an apology towards certain individuals for any injuries I may have caused during that scuffle. But in my defense? You guys killed me. So don't expect me to feel too guilty about that.

Thirdly... thirdly... I need some cigarettes and a beer. And some painkillers. I also think I've got on hell of a case of phantom limb going here after losing those extra wings... and the tail.

Oh yeah, anyone seen a tiny blue cow running around? I lost track of the thing a few weeks ago.

[Yeah, screw the journal, he's going to the bar to smoke and drink. If he can't have some sex, this will just have to do.]

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[She nods and begins.]

Back in the Medieval Ages, as most call it, I was born to King Uther and Lady Igraine. I was their only child and a girl. Of course I could not inherit the throne, so before word came out about my birth the king's adviser Merlin took me to live with one of the king's trusted knights, Sir Ector. I was raised there and learned how to fight with swords even.

When I was about sixteen my father passed away and a new heir to the throne was needed. Merlin sealed away a sword, Caliburn, which could only be pulled by the true heir. When many found themselves unable to pull the sword, the kingdom instead decided to host a jousting tournament. While that was going on Merlin approached me for the first time, and told me I was the true heir. He requested I pull the sword out and take my father's place on the throne, and so I did.

[She pauses for a moment and sighs.] Naturally a woman becoming the king of such a large kingdom would bring much strife. The world was not ready for women to have a larger role in society. So, I disguised as a man for my tenure. Only a trusted few, such as Merlin and my political wife Guinevere, knew I was really a woman. History also recorded me as a man for those reasons.

[He frowns. Okay, so it sounds plausible, but...]

I met you- Arthur, whoever. Not only would I be able to smell out a babe like you in disguise, but there's also the fact you're, well-- short.

You might have met "me" in a different world then. History is not always the same in these alternate worlds apparently. [Not that she has much issue with that. She doesn't think she did the best job she could have anyway.] And yes, I am short. Thank you for the reminder.

Hm. Maybe. [Thought that does make him think.]

So that means you don't remember me? Sir Jack, the Giant Killer? Had my own spot at the round table. I scratched my name underneath it when no one was looking.

I recall there being a Giant Killer called Jack. That is how I recognized you when we talked about it previously. However, I never recalled appointing that slayer. In fact, it was more of a tale passed around.

Well that's the way it happened for me. You... him, whatever, even set me up with my first wife.

Oh? Well, I don't remember doing that either, but I suppose that is something I would do for a good person who aided the kingdom.

[He files this all away for later. Appealing to her generous nature as one of her 'knights' could be useful.]

So... did you and Guinevere ever, you know, make things official?

...Official? Our marriage was an official one, yes.

Sex. I meant sex.

No!

Not even once? No experimenting at all?

I had more important things to do than question my sexuality, Jack Horner.

[Like, run an entire kingdom.]

But she was your wife. She had needs. Those are important too.

Political wife. That isn't any of your business anyway! [Plus she did actually have a relationship with one of her knights, but that's a totally different story Saber doesn't like telling.]

Fine, fine. [He waves his hand dismissively.] I thought about tapping that a few times, not gonna lie. Lancelot beat me to it.

[...Urgh.]

I think it was a wise decision that I never appointed the Giant Slayer to the round table then.

If there was a me in your version of Camelot? I'd have spotted you right away.

[So yes, a very good decision.]

Yes, I'm sure you would Jack. No matter how many hundreds overlooked it. [A sigh.] Out of all the questions to ask me too.

[Hey, it was a legit question!]

So... should I start calling you Arthur, then?

[She shakes her head.]

Saber, please. That is the name I have taken under my new oath.

Not much of a name, is it? Must be one hell of an oath to even matter here.

I honor all my oaths, regardless of where I am in time. That is how I have chosen to live my life.

Sure. Real noble of you. [He doesn't quite buy it, though. People aren't that good and noble. It's just how the real world works.]

[A light sigh escapes.]

Besides, I rather not give an explanation like this all the time. No one really ever believes me. [Not that she completely blames them, but it does get annoying.]

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