Ch. 8 - The Death and Return of Jack of Fables

[originaljackass]

[The moment Jack woke up, somewhere out in the woods, his eyes shot open and he reached for his chest, expecting to find a sword sticking out of it. But there wasn't one. More than that, he could see that his fingers... well, he had fingers. No claws. He felt his face and the familiar stubble was there, as was his long hair, and he quickly determined he had a chest and a feet and his Happy Stick is there and not... scaly.

Whew. Load off his mind. It also proves that people really DO revive in Luceti. But he also knows that people LOSE things when they die. The first thing he does is find something sharp enough to cut himself on. He's pleased to see it quickly heal up, nearly instantly, as if the wound had never been there at all. He then finds a boulder and throws it, proving he is indeed super strong still. So he had his looks and power again... but what about his loot? He'd have to go back to the cave later and see if those bastards that killed him hadn't stolen it all.

... thought he wasn't sure if he should bother. Last thing he wanted to do was risk dragon-ing it up again.

So he takes a long, lonely hike to the village and returns home. He grabs a nice button up shirt, a black sports coat and slacks to toss on. So he'd died twice now. Neither time took. And he was looking as good as ever. Now just as long as he didn't turn into a dragon again, he was A-OK.

So the first thing he does is go to the journals.]

[Voice]

Looks like I'm back to the land of the living and I ain't a dragon anymore. How is it that death is the cure for so many afflictions? First order of business - any women out there wanting a roll in the hay? It's been months since I had any. We can make it as romantic as you like, suits me just fine.

Oh. Guess I owe an apology towards certain individuals for any injuries I may have caused during that scuffle. But in my defense? You guys killed me. So don't expect me to feel too guilty about that.

Thirdly... thirdly... I need some cigarettes and a beer. And some painkillers. I also think I've got on hell of a case of phantom limb going here after losing those extra wings... and the tail.

Oh yeah, anyone seen a tiny blue cow running around? I lost track of the thing a few weeks ago.

[Yeah, screw the journal, he's going to the bar to smoke and drink. If he can't have some sex, this will just have to do.]

Comments

[honorbeforeall.livejournal.com]

[Karai doesn't care about solutions for other people!]

Of course.

...

Have they taken anything from you? [The Malnosso, that is.]

[originaljackass]

Not anything I've noticed yet, so it can't be too important.

[honorbeforeall.livejournal.com]

It seems death truly is no impediment here.

[She sounds disappointed.]

[originaljackass]

Yeah, turned out to be my lucky break. Being a dragon is a horrible thing to die from.

[honorbeforeall.livejournal.com]

I can think of worse. [...though after a moment, she concedes a little bit of the seriousness and offers him a wry look.] I imagine you will make excellent use of your second life.

[originaljackass]

Third life, actually.

[He'd like to think he made good use of his second life, though.]

[honorbeforeall.livejournal.com]

You have--

[Oh wait. He said he was immortal.]

So people can kill you, but you just revive?

[originaljackass]

No. I can still die, but lately I'm just really damn hard to kill. This was way back when, I was still in the home worlds then. I got caught making off with a tasty princess. She turned on me and got me executed.

[He makes a cutting motion around his neck.]

Dull axe. More than one swing. Bitch of a way to go.

[honorbeforeall.livejournal.com]

You seem very casual about such a serious punishment. [Death by beheading is... pretty degrading. Unless it's as part of the ritual of seppuku. Which she doubts.]

[originaljackass]

It was hundreds of years ago. I got over it.

[Though he was pretty casual about the execution anyway.]

[honorbeforeall.livejournal.com]

Does nothing bother you then, Mr Horner?

[originaljackass]

Telephone salesmen. Can't stand 'em.

[honorbeforeall.livejournal.com]

[...well. That actually gets a tiny smile.]

I see we agree on something.

[originaljackass]

[He's finally getting somewhere! Hell yeah.]

Kinda makes this place nice. Never had a single dinner interrupted.

[honorbeforeall.livejournal.com]

[Just keep telling yourself that.]

There are plenty of other interruptions to take their place, I find.

[originaljackass]

Experiments? Least they're infrequent.

[honorbeforeall.livejournal.com]

Drunken neighbours also are occasionally an issue. [Vash. B|]

[originaljackass]

I never had that problem. Someone new?

[honorbeforeall.livejournal.com]

No. Someone old. And old enough to know better.

[originaljackass]

Want me to talk to some sense into him?

[honorbeforeall.livejournal.com]

That will not be necessary. I am more than capable of putting a man in his place.

[originaljackass]

I've got no doubts believing that. You got some killer moves. [For a mundy, anyway.]