Ch. 12 - Hollywood was just waiting for Jack of Fables

[originaljackass]

[Today, Jack Horner returned from his mission feeling rather smug. It was more work than it was worth, but Jack had returned with a set of DVDs for the Jack Tales. He may have lost every cent from the trilogy thanks to that bastard Beast from Fabletown, but he still had the movies and that was all that mattered. So after proudly bragging about them to Buffy at the bar, he plugs the first movie into her DVD player and then positions his journal to provide all of Luceti with a video stream of the first movie:

The Jack Tales I: Jack and the Beanstalk.
((ooc: the above link has info on the movie, a synopsis, and the cast of the movie. If you have questions, you can reply to that post.))

After the three hour movie is over, he turns the journal over to himself.]

That's part one of my life story. Pretty amazing, right? Of course, it was way better in real life, but Hollywood can only do so much. I'll wait 'til I show you the next one, though. Back home, people had to wait a whole year. But I think a month ought to do.

[For non-movie related shenanigans, Jack can be found at Good Spirits at 10PM after the movie is over, serving up drinks and doing general bartender-y type things.]

(OoC: The voice part is open for threadjacking! Feel free to have people talk about the movie to one another or what have you. Jack won't necessarily reply to everything!)

Comments

[Action]

[originaljackass]

No no, she's an adult, Buffy.

[Jack turns to Winry.]

So here I am with this busty, beautiful babe in my arms. She's staring up at me with her lustful eyes as I take her back home, but it's clear she wants it now and she can't bear the wait. Neither can I. I can feel myself practically bursting. I've had a thousand years of seeing some incredibly sexy women, but this one was in the top five. Anyway, we get to her apartment and we're ripping each other's clothes off, throwing our flesh at each other, she's moaning out in ecstasy, crying out for more. So I'm giving her more, because if there's one thing I'm good at, it's pleasuring a woman regardless of who she might be.

[He may go on like this for even longer. Or Winry might mercifully stop him very early on.]

1/idk

[installing]

[What is he...]

[Action]

[installing]

[HE'S REALLY NOT, IS HE? NO, NO HE IS...]

[installing]

J-Jack, stop it! Shut up, I don't want to hear-

[installing]

Oh my god, why would you tell anyone that?!

[installing]

Shut up, shut up, shut up! This isn't what I meant!

Done

[installing]

I want you to refrain from elaborating because that's terrible, not because I'm some kid who needs to be protected from sex!

Also you're disgusting!

[herotypical]

She's not wrong. [ you are disgusting. ] And I'm pretty sure I've reached my hourly quota for putting up with your supreme idiocy, Jack.

[ and maybe she's also just a little weirdly miffed about the whole top five thing. life's complicated when you're buffy summers. ]

Besides -- don't let him lie to you. He's not all that great. [ mmhm. she went there. though probably just out of petty spite instead of any kind of straight up honesty. her brain isn't exactly thinking ahead. strategy is sacrificed upon the altar of buffy's rare but lively grudging. ]

[originaljackass]

[He isn't much put off by Winry's reaction, given he only went into the details to teach her a rather nasty lesson about something that, in his head, made perfect sense at the time. So her flipping out is pretty much exactly what he expected to see. However what follows is just him being childish as he raises his hand to whisper to Winry:]

She's just mad because we only did boring missionary style stuff.

[installing]

I will break everything you love.

Both of you.

[Guys you're going to make her vomit.]

[herotypical]

[ her expression flickers -- as if she'd been ready to counter jack's comment with something whip-fast of her own. but then winry invokes the safety of all she loved and buffy's reminded of the fact that nearly all of it is gone. gone or wrecked or missing or long since disappeared from this place. even what little she has left is kidnapped.

buffy settles on an uneasy smile. she jokes: ] Just don't start with the bar itself. It's suffered enough violence from monsters twice your size but half your resolve, Win.

[originaljackass]

Yeah and threatening Clem just isn't cool, Win. Shame on you.

[He also jokes. Maybe. The implication he loves Clem is a radical one, even for him, but he's a well practiced liar. And riling up these pair of blondes is a little fun.]

[installing]

I was thinking about starting with your nose.

[With a "hmph" she goes back to her drink. Really she accomplished what she wanted - and that was to shut them up about their experiences with each other. She finishes the glass despite the previous conversation making her queasy.]

[herotypical]

[ buffy's not proud of her history with horner. not proud at all. nor is she even eager to gross anyone out. but loneliness has turned her into a strange creature, and she's been living alone for so very long since jack was taken. there comes a point where even antagonizing people you like is preferable to silence.

but -- more subdued but not no staggered as to frown -- buffy jabs a thumb back at the storage room. ] I should probably get back to that door. It's broken. Or it needs WD-40. Or maybe the wood's expanding and making everything...not fit. Either way -- [ to winry: ] You enjoy your drink. [ to jack: ] And you be good to her.

[originaljackass]

[As Buffy departed, Jack nodded to her before turning back to Winry.]

Sorry about the story, Win. But Buffy makes the best faces when she's getting all judgmental on you. Try it sometime, it's great.

[installing]

Just great enough to leave me with some mental horrors? Thanks.

[originaljackass]

You say that like it's any worse than that book you were reading before.

[installing]

[She freezes for a moment before scrambling at a come back.]

W-well a fictional story is completely different than hearing the escapades of a guy you once thought of as your dad!

[originaljackass]

[He considers that.]

Fair enough. I'll cut back on the sexcapades. There's other ways to get under Buffy's skin. [A pause.] Non-sexually, that is.

[installing]

Good. Much better. And you better behave if you ever talk to my boyfriend, too.

[originaljackass]

Speaking of the boyfriend, what was his name again?

[installing]

Ed.

Edward Elric.
[She looks down at her glass, and smiles a little. It's... still a little victory to be with him here. She's very lucky in some ways.]

[originaljackass]

Got it. Well, don't you worry, Win. If I see him, I'll be sure to set him straight.

[Because it is his not!fatherly duty to do just that.]

[installing]

Just don't scare him away.

Or make him punch you. He's not good with male authority figures.

[originaljackass]

Aww, that's cute. You found a guy just like me.

[Attractive, blonde, a ponytail, a tendency to go into more detail than what people want to hear, and a general disregard for authority.]