Ch. 12 - Hollywood was just waiting for Jack of Fables

[originaljackass]

[Today, Jack Horner returned from his mission feeling rather smug. It was more work than it was worth, but Jack had returned with a set of DVDs for the Jack Tales. He may have lost every cent from the trilogy thanks to that bastard Beast from Fabletown, but he still had the movies and that was all that mattered. So after proudly bragging about them to Buffy at the bar, he plugs the first movie into her DVD player and then positions his journal to provide all of Luceti with a video stream of the first movie:

The Jack Tales I: Jack and the Beanstalk.
((ooc: the above link has info on the movie, a synopsis, and the cast of the movie. If you have questions, you can reply to that post.))

After the three hour movie is over, he turns the journal over to himself.]

That's part one of my life story. Pretty amazing, right? Of course, it was way better in real life, but Hollywood can only do so much. I'll wait 'til I show you the next one, though. Back home, people had to wait a whole year. But I think a month ought to do.

[For non-movie related shenanigans, Jack can be found at Good Spirits at 10PM after the movie is over, serving up drinks and doing general bartender-y type things.]

(OoC: The voice part is open for threadjacking! Feel free to have people talk about the movie to one another or what have you. Jack won't necessarily reply to everything!)

Comments

[Action]

[smallsurvivor]

[Jack's home from his mission! It's as big of a deal as deals around here tend to get, so Clementine's put some effort into decorating the apartment for his return. She's arranged streamers along the windowsills and taped three balloons along the hallway. It's not much, but it's the thought the counts, right?]

Hi, Jack! Did the mission go well? You didn't get hurt, did you?

[IS HE NOTICING THE DECORATIONS? She's trying not to draw unnecessary attention to it in case he thinks it's ugly.]

[Action]

[originaljackass]

[Jack had been surprised to actually receive fanfare for his return. It wasn't the first time it ever happened, it's just he didn't recall doing anything to earn it lately. The sincerity behind it was, well, almost touching.

He didn't have the heart to say it looked pretty hideous.]

Hey kiddo. [He gives Clem his typical headpat and hair mussing as he heads into the apartment.] I'm A-Okay. Not a scratch on me. [A pause and he looks over his shoulder and adds:] Nice balloons.

[Action]

[smallsurvivor]

[She accepts the headpatting without complaint. She'd been fine on her own during the interim period, but it's always a relief to see a companion return with all limbs intact.

And yay, he liked the balloons!]

Do you really think they're nice? I was gonna put more up, but it took a lot of breath just to do those.

[Action]

[originaljackass]

Yeah, they look great. The blue one is very tasteful. I bet the pig loves it.

[But hell, he's tired and he collapses into the sofa as he starts to kick off his boots.]

[Action]

[smallsurvivor]

He's a cow. [as far as she's aware.] And he really needs a name.

[herotypical]

Inviting Jack Horner over for a movie broadcast-a-thon wasn't strictly within the usual scope of her behaviour; however, friends were gone and a lover was missing. House Seven was empty. Lonely. And the thought of inviting the whole village into her living room via the journal might not have been her instinctive action-plan, but she wasn't about to refuse. It was better than sulking. But it did mean she had to try not to talk loudly at the television whenever she stumbled across wry commentary or criticism.

Instead, she saved up all her words for the aftermath -- holding her tongue until Horner was done with his journal conversations. Then, as she tidied up empty M&M packages and beer bottles (including her still very nearly full one): "You did well to cast Brad. I approve of Brad."

Glass clinked in her arms and the sound reminded her of the bar. They would both have to head in that direction sooner rather than later.

[originaljackass]

Jack was still seated on the couch watching the credits roll, his feet kicked up on the coffee table. He felt particularly good about this. Truth be told, he never had rewatched his movie since it first came out in theaters. That was over a decade ago.

"Brad's a good guy. He knows his stuff. I mean, sure, he's not as good a Jack as the real thing. But for a Mundy? He did a decent job."

Of course, no Mundy actor could ever be that good. But they only had a few short decades to practice. Fable actors could practice for centuries.

[herotypical]

"It's Hollywood. Would you ever really want it to be just like the real thing?"

She hugs the bottles to her chest -- not minding the chance to stand in one place for a moment or two longer so she could hash this out with Horner. In fact, she stretched her stiff muscles. "I'd be concerned about a trip to Uncanny Valley."

[originaljackass]

He thought back to how the story really happened. Gosh, he'd been a terrified little kid, but devious and greedy enough to keep going up that beanstalk. His heart had been racing so fast when the giant came down after him. It was very little like the bold hero Brad Pitt portrayed.

"You've got me there, Buffy. I had someone try to pitch it to me as being all CGI. Thank God we avoided that."

[voice]

[trinkett]

Riveting.

[voice]

[originaljackass]

Liked it, did you?

[voice]

[happyhungergames]

"I found myself wanting more, quite honestly."

Okay Jack, let's see if you can read the booty call signs:

"Just wanted MORE of you, that's all. You are very fetching on the small-big-screen, Mister Horner."

[voice]

[originaljackass]

"Effie, babe, there's plenty of me to go around. And there's two more of those films to boot. But maybe we ought to arrange a private viewing."

Voice

[sugarglitch]

[She caught the start! And then wandered off to do other things THREE HOURS IS WAY TOO LONG OKAY. But at least she saw the ending?]

I guess it was okay. But then you kissed that girl and then it got gross!

[Thankfully she missed the explicit scenes in the earlier part of the movie! Not that a PG13 warning would have stopped her, anyway.]

Voice

[originaljackass]

Yeah, yeah. Trust me, kid, once you're older? You're gonna love that shit.

[Mini-threadjack DON'T LET IT DISRUPT YOUR THREAD]

[smallsurvivor]

[There's a distant echo of a voice protesting on Jack's end.]

SWEAR.

Voice

[originaljackass]

[GROAN.]

You're gonna love that... stuff.

[voice]

[theboywiththebook]

[Henry manages to avoid the naughty bits, if only because he tuned in late.

When the movie's over however, he's a little more...somber about it.]

I feel sorry for that giant lady.

[voice]

[originaljackass]

Yeah, real shame, ain't it? But don't worry, she didn't die in the real story, ya know, the one I lived through. Just the giant. One of the writers threw that in to add some dramatic tension. And to resolve the love triangle going on.

[voice]

[theboywiththebook]

I feel bad for the other giant than too.

What did it do to deserve getting killed?

[Even if the giant was a bad guy, they were still a person.]

[voice]

[originaljackass]

He was going to kill everybody. Angry relentless revenge. The guy was a Grade A asshole. He got what was coming to him.

[Action]

[installing]

[Well she did say she'd visit. Winry sits at the bar, and takes off a small jacket. It's chilly out today, so she's wearing a sundress, but with warm leggings (always have to be fashionable; Buffy helped teach her this).

She'll tap the counter top of the bar loudly. Sure it's a little rude, but she's comfortable that she can get away with it.]

[Action]

[originaljackass]

[Buffy's around, but she's off tending to other things. So Jack makes his appearance and stops short when he spots Winry. Considering.]

... soda?

[Action]

[installing]

[She was going to order something non-alcoholic, but with his "greeting" she decides:]

Only if it's a rum-and-coke.

[Action]

[originaljackass]

[Oh, so it's like that, is it? He steps up and crosses his arms.]

I'm gonna need to see some ID first.