originaljackass | Ch. 12 - Hollywood was just waiting for Jack of Fables

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Ch. 12 - Hollywood was just waiting for Jack of Fables

[Today, Jack Horner returned from his mission feeling rather smug. It was more work than it was worth, but Jack had returned with a set of DVDs for the Jack Tales. He may have lost every cent from the trilogy thanks to that bastard Beast from Fabletown, but he still had the movies and that was all that mattered. So after proudly bragging about them to Buffy at the bar, he plugs the first movie into her DVD player and then positions his journal to provide all of Luceti with a video stream of the first movie:

The Jack Tales I: Jack and the Beanstalk.
((ooc: the above link has info on the movie, a synopsis, and the cast of the movie. If you have questions, you can reply to that post.))

After the three hour movie is over, he turns the journal over to himself.]

That's part one of my life story. Pretty amazing, right? Of course, it was way better in real life, but Hollywood can only do so much. I'll wait 'til I show you the next one, though. Back home, people had to wait a whole year. But I think a month ought to do.

[For non-movie related shenanigans, Jack can be found at Good Spirits at 10PM after the movie is over, serving up drinks and doing general bartender-y type things.]

(OoC: The voice part is open for threadjacking! Feel free to have people talk about the movie to one another or what have you. Jack won't necessarily reply to everything!)

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"Effie, babe, there's plenty of me to go around. And there's two more of those films to boot. But maybe we ought to arrange a private viewing."

The house had been quite an uncomfortable place, she found. Katniss didn't want her. Sharpe DEFINITELY did not want her. Jack Horner, though -- they could create a certain purpose through their chemistry. She liked that, and all the various chemical chain reactions that resulted.

"Where?"

Too bad she didn't understand how to do filters yet. Too bad her voice was just a little too eager.

Where? Damn, he knew he was good, but after ten years, he'd forgotten just how good he was.

Well, waste not: want not.

"I'll be at my place within the hour."

Edited 2013-04-26 19:15 (UTC)

"Within the hour."

Don't show up early, Effie.

She locked the house after leaving it, bedecked in what was for her a very simple frock.

No wig. Instead, her blond hair streamed out behind her, still damp from the shower. She was learning the things he liked, little by little.

Why should they matter to her, anyway? Just before the hour was up, Effie knocked on Jack Horner's front door.

In the meantime, Jack excused himself from Buffy's company and ensured Clementine would be elsewhere while he had company. Sure, maybe Effie would be impressed by his amazing fatherly instincts, but he already had her and there was no reason to shake things up.

When she arrived, Jack was freshly shaved with his hair neatly tucked into a clean ponytail. He knew she liked the suit so even though he had less and less of a reason to wear one these days, he dressed himself up. After all, he wanted to give her something fun to unwrap.

When he opened the door, he smiled and gave her a look over with obvious approval. The woman was quite the looker when she allowed herself to be.

"Effie. Well aren't you a sight."

"Thank you, Mister Horner. I truly hope I'm not infringing. I did bake cupcakes."

The cupcakes in question rested in a little box tied with string, swinging from her hand. They were frosted with orange and decorated with little Halloween black cats for some reason.

Jack's eyes temporarily darted down to the box and though he did not yet see the contents, a collection of baked good did not sound wholly unwanted at the moment. He grinned.

"Infringing and cupcakes are two of my favorite things. Add in an attractive, sexy blonde standing in my door and we're over halfway through my top five."

"Are you going to invite me in, or are we to enjoy these cupcakes and all of this infringement on your doorstep?"

Jack stepped aside and gestured for her to come inside.

"By all means. Maybe we can find a way to mix the two."

She stepped in, admiring the interior of Jack's home. It was easy to respect such an important movie star, historical figure, and folk hero.

Who also happened to be exceptional in bed.

"Movie first, I should think. Or are we mixing that as well?"

The home could not be described as clean. It very much was the home of a single man and a little girl, the latter of which probably made more effort to be clean than he was. On the upside, there was no dirty kitchen, because that mess got left in the communal kitchen for others to worry about. There was some clutter on the coffee table and the floor needed a good vacuuming, but it was not disgusting. Put elegantly, it was 'TV messy'. The sort of mess that one apologizes for on TV but that is far lighter than what a truly messy house looks like. Jack wasn't a great housekeeper, but he knew to at least keep things tidy enough to keep women from turning right around and leaving.

Somewhere, Babe was snoozing on the bottom shelf of an empty book shelf.

Jack gave her a sideways glance as he rubbed at his neck. "What, you wanted to see the movie? See, I don't actually have a TV. Not here. I was usin' someone else's."

For some reason, Effie had no problem with romantic entanglements as long as there was some kind of electronic distraction in the background. A movie playing unheeded. Animatronic dolls singing about the New World Order.

"You don't have a tv?!"

That was kinda shocking.

He simply shrugged in response. "The suits don't just hand stuff out for free and their Chuck E. Cheese style of prize earning is time consuming."

"Is there music at least?"

Actually, Effie suddenly found herself quite interested in what kind of music Jack would play for her in this scenario. It was a test of sorts.

Jack winced. "So you know what I was just saying? About the suits and the electronic rat?"

"You couldn't even get hold of a MUSIC player?!"

Was that a loss of respect for you, Jack?

"I'm working on it."

Jack had learned not to need the excesses of wealth. But damn if he didn't miss the regularities of wealth.

A smile. "Of COURSE you are." Effie reached up to pat his cheek. She was surprised to find herself growing legitimately fonder of Jack Horner.

Jack felt as though he was being patronized. Largely it was because he probably was being patronized. And by a Mundy no less. That put him out a bit.

"I'd go on more missions. But I have a kid to think about. Because that's me. Responsible and such."

That brought her up short. "A kid?"

"Adopted," Jack added hastily. "Sort of."

"You?" Effie might have been the least maternal person in this particular dimension, but she'd figured Jack to be the least paternal man. Had she been WRONG about that?

"That's...sweet." Wasn't it?

He sensed that his goal of impressing women with his paternal instincts would not work on Effie. Which he found incredibly sexy while at the same time mildly frustrating.

"She's just some kid I found. She takes care of my blue pig."

She would back so far away from ANYTHING "paternal." Instantly.

So maybe this child was more like a child-slave or a worker. That made sense.

"She must do a lovely job with your pig."

"He's never been bluer."

Though he found himself considering that if he wanted to pursue Effie long term, which might be his only choice given his prospects in town, he may need to lose Clementine. Perhaps Buffy would want her.

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