originaljackass | Ch. 12 - Hollywood was just waiting for Jack of Fables

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Ch. 12 - Hollywood was just waiting for Jack of Fables

[Today, Jack Horner returned from his mission feeling rather smug. It was more work than it was worth, but Jack had returned with a set of DVDs for the Jack Tales. He may have lost every cent from the trilogy thanks to that bastard Beast from Fabletown, but he still had the movies and that was all that mattered. So after proudly bragging about them to Buffy at the bar, he plugs the first movie into her DVD player and then positions his journal to provide all of Luceti with a video stream of the first movie:

The Jack Tales I: Jack and the Beanstalk.
((ooc: the above link has info on the movie, a synopsis, and the cast of the movie. If you have questions, you can reply to that post.))

After the three hour movie is over, he turns the journal over to himself.]

That's part one of my life story. Pretty amazing, right? Of course, it was way better in real life, but Hollywood can only do so much. I'll wait 'til I show you the next one, though. Back home, people had to wait a whole year. But I think a month ought to do.

[For non-movie related shenanigans, Jack can be found at Good Spirits at 10PM after the movie is over, serving up drinks and doing general bartender-y type things.]

(OoC: The voice part is open for threadjacking! Feel free to have people talk about the movie to one another or what have you. Jack won't necessarily reply to everything!)

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Jack felt as though he was being patronized. Largely it was because he probably was being patronized. And by a Mundy no less. That put him out a bit.

"I'd go on more missions. But I have a kid to think about. Because that's me. Responsible and such."

That brought her up short. "A kid?"

"Adopted," Jack added hastily. "Sort of."

"You?" Effie might have been the least maternal person in this particular dimension, but she'd figured Jack to be the least paternal man. Had she been WRONG about that?

"That's...sweet." Wasn't it?

He sensed that his goal of impressing women with his paternal instincts would not work on Effie. Which he found incredibly sexy while at the same time mildly frustrating.

"She's just some kid I found. She takes care of my blue pig."

She would back so far away from ANYTHING "paternal." Instantly.

So maybe this child was more like a child-slave or a worker. That made sense.

"She must do a lovely job with your pig."

"He's never been bluer."

Though he found himself considering that if he wanted to pursue Effie long term, which might be his only choice given his prospects in town, he may need to lose Clementine. Perhaps Buffy would want her.

"She's not going to interrupt us with any blueing chores today, is she?"

"Worry not, Effie. I made sure Clem has other things to occupy her time. We have the place all to ourselves."

Even if it lacked music. And video. And really anything else beyond air conditioning and a bed.

"Is there an air conditioner?" Effie began stripping off her white gloves. She kicked off her four-inch heels, which made her quite a bit shorter than Jack Horner.

She wasn't as short as Buffy Summers. That fake marriage had been quite the strain on his neck. In turn, he did loosen his tie as he prepared for what his favorite part of the evening. The sex.

"There's AC aplenty. But it's also April."

"I like it to be cold," came the vague explanation as Effie began to explore the sparse not-quite-tidy-enough apartment. It needed something. A giant throw-pillow, maybe. A stack of Chinese boxes. A stuffed bird of some kind wouldn't be amiss.

"Well then you're in luck. I happen to enjoy the cold myself. There's a reason they used to call me Jack Frost."

While she explored, he found the thermostat and raised the AC. A nice, chilly sixty degrees might do the trick.

"That's funny; you were quite warm during our LAST meeting." She turned to look at him and smiled. Maybe they should just go at it today. All that talk of his "kid" had been weird. "Are you ready to warm me up again?"

Jack loved him a woman that was direct about what she wanted. Especially when what she wanted involved the sorts of things Jack liked. It certainly eased any problems of needing things like romantic dates, flowers, and pretending to be interested in her hobbies.

He began to unbutton his shirt.

"Think of me as your own personal furnace. Among other heat-related sexual euphemisms."

"Just what every woman wants." She began to unbutton HER shirt. This was all very businesslike and peremptory, really. Effie didn't like too many surprises when it came to sex. The sensations were quite wonderful, but when they were done they were done and one had to get back to business.

"And I can be your euphemistic melting candle?"

"A dwindling candle is probably a poor euphemism." After all, a phallic object being reduced to mush at the end was more appropriate of what happened after the sex.

He dropped his shirt to the floor. He knew quite well that Effie had a certain way of doing things and while ripping off each other's clothes in the throes of passion certainly could be fun, it did reduce the amount of wear and tear when it was handled in this very straight forward manner.

And this was SUCH a very nice shirt! Lilac with a faux-Peter-Pan lace collar and a bow at the throat. Slightly sheer. It slid to the floor in a whisper of fabric.

Effie wasn't at all abashed at being topless in front of her lover. They didn't teach shame about this sort of thing in the Capitol.

"Fine! You come up with a better one, then!"

It was quite possible Jack had never learned what shame was. If he had, it had been discarded centuries ago. He was pleased she had no such inhibitions either. As a man, he was very fond of topless women, but not nearly as fond as he was of entirely nude women.

"Perhaps, you should be the furnace. And I'll be the raging fire inside of you."

"As long as you can keep the rage to about twenty minutes. I have a hair appointment."

The words came forth in a sultry whisper just before Effie launched herself at Jack. The objective? Leap upon him, wrapping her legs around his waist.

Jack easily caught her, wrapping his arms around her to keep her steady. She was easy to carry, thanks to his popularity-based strength and had no difficulty kicking off his shoes even as he kept her steady.

"That could be a problem. I have a very difficult time keeping my rage under a half hour."

"But my wig...."

The rest of that protest was lost as she pressed her lips against his throat. Jack Horner had such a strange effect on her, that was true. He was almost TOO desirable sometimes! And her wig would suffer for it.

But maybe it was worth it. Ten extra minutes? She would take them.

"Your wig can wait."

Possibly forever. Already he was considering finding it and, in the interest of all of Luceti, setting it on fire. But that fire-related activity could wait until after this one was finished. He made a pleased sound as he carried her through the apartment towards his bedroom. In the meantime, his hands took her by the thighs and moved their way down.

"It can. Oh, Jack." She moved from his throat to his mouth. This man's hands were so wonderful -- not at all the way a mid-level bureaucrat from the Capitol would use HIS hands. No, this was another level of gameplay altogether.

He kicked open the door of the bedroom, then clumsily sat himself on the edge of the bed, nearly falling off of it as his attention was more on the maneuvering of his tongue than it was on where his feet might be going. He had a rather witty follow up somewhere waiting on the tip of his tongue, but he found himself otherwise unable to make use of it.

He didn't mind so much.

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[action] omg Masa

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