Ch. 12 - Hollywood was just waiting for Jack of Fables

[originaljackass]

[Today, Jack Horner returned from his mission feeling rather smug. It was more work than it was worth, but Jack had returned with a set of DVDs for the Jack Tales. He may have lost every cent from the trilogy thanks to that bastard Beast from Fabletown, but he still had the movies and that was all that mattered. So after proudly bragging about them to Buffy at the bar, he plugs the first movie into her DVD player and then positions his journal to provide all of Luceti with a video stream of the first movie:

The Jack Tales I: Jack and the Beanstalk.
((ooc: the above link has info on the movie, a synopsis, and the cast of the movie. If you have questions, you can reply to that post.))

After the three hour movie is over, he turns the journal over to himself.]

That's part one of my life story. Pretty amazing, right? Of course, it was way better in real life, but Hollywood can only do so much. I'll wait 'til I show you the next one, though. Back home, people had to wait a whole year. But I think a month ought to do.

[For non-movie related shenanigans, Jack can be found at Good Spirits at 10PM after the movie is over, serving up drinks and doing general bartender-y type things.]

(OoC: The voice part is open for threadjacking! Feel free to have people talk about the movie to one another or what have you. Jack won't necessarily reply to everything!)

Comments

[herotypical]

"What?"

She glanced up from her wide-mouthed wine glass, taking a fair few seconds to trace his observation back to its source. "Oh? No. I mean -- there are no membership cards. And if there was, I don't even know where I'd fall in relation to everyone else. There are some colourful characters around here who can make Slayer strength look like parlour tricks."

Being outgunned was hardly the problem. The problem fell somewhere nearer the mark of her no longer knowing how to be an efficacious good guy in a town where she was needed less and less for her muscles and more and more for her own emotional merits. Not a niche she was accustomed to fulfilling.

[originaljackass]

"Been there, done that. Hence the movies and the power boost. But I didn't realize you were big on the whole muscle thing."

He knew she was tough, sure. But he didn't ever think of her as competitive about it.

[herotypical]

"Spend ten years using your fists to solve almost every problem that comes your way and then try not to be big on the whole muscle thing." Her voice was light. Casual. Allowing him his assumption.

Except: "There aren't a lot of handbooks telling Slayers how to retire gracefully. That's all. For one thing, most of us tend retire violently instead."

[originaljackass]

"I spent centuries using this to solve my problems." Jack tapped the old thinker. Truth be told, he never liked getting into fights that were straight up brawls. Not until recently, anyway. Giants were easy pickings for him because they were so easy to outsmart.

"Anyway, you're too young for retirement. You're not even wrinkly yet. Hell, you might not get wrinkly at all. You certainly seem like Fable material to me."

[herotypical]

His disarming compliments -- if they could ever really be construed as such -- should never strike her so soundly as they often do. But they do. They oh so very do. And often without fail.

It's enough to soften her tone: "It's not about age. It's about...relevance. If I try and be the big damn hero, I feel guilty for not being there for the people I care about. If I'm there for the people I care about, I feel guilty for not being the big damn hero. Such is my impasse. I dunno. It just hits all that harder when you've spent the last week alone in a house with two cats and a dog you're pretty sure is stealing your necklaces."

[originaljackass]

"Babe, you gotta cut yourself some slack. Hero work around here is short and in between. Hell, why do you think I took the kid in? After that whole dragon business, I gotta work my way back into karma's good graces. Normally I'd go feed a homeless guy or something, but the only Big Damn Hero moments I'm getting around here is making the kid feel like she's safe going to sleep."

He took a sip of beer and then added: "And banging hot chicks. That's pretty heroic of me, too."

[herotypical]

"...Is that really all it is?"

If she was honest, Jack's pseudo-adoption had been nagging at her ever since she'd first learned of it. Most of her accepted the bald-faced fact that Jack Horner rarely did what didn't benefit his own damn self. She accused him of such behaviour on a nigh-nightly basis at the bar. But the most persistent edges of her judgement wanted to believe in change. Wanted to believe that he wasn't just using a cute kid to gain popularity points.

[originaljackass]

"Not all of it. Chicks dig responsible guys. Especially single dads."

[herotypical]

"We do?"

She asked, damn well already certain of the answer. It was Horner's curious choice to take the girl in that had Buffy's curiousity all up in a twist. And it had been rare haunting glimpses into Sparrow's tender care for even an imagined child that had impressed her so deeply.

"News to me."

[originaljackass]

He shrugged nonchalantly.

"Your Slayer mojo must mess with your maternal instincts."

[herotypical]

...Because that was exactly what she -- hip deep in her own crisis of personal faith -- was hoping to hear. She went almost bug-eyed for a moment.

"Probably. I worked for a guy whose mother was a Slayer. Hello, issues."

[originaljackass]

"Nepotism runs big in the Slayer biz, eh?"

[herotypical]

"Yes, Jack. We're exactly like a secret society only looking out for our own. Except, y'know, for the part where we save the world. A lot.

Honestly, I didn't even know any Slayers ever had their own families before I met him. Not that they were a family for long."

[originaljackass]

"Hey, how am I supposed to know this stuff? Maybe if you had, I dunno, a movie trilogy or something? Then I'd know."

[herotypical]

"No one would go see a movie about my life. I have no suspiciously phallic beanstalks, nor no heaving bosoms neither."

And she would rather not be reminded of her fictionality once again, considering how much Jack's earlier comment about television shows and singing episodes had sneaked under her skin. "Besides, I'm done with Los Angeles. Let that town be someone else's stomping ground."

[originaljackass]

"Mmm, you'd be great with a heaving bosom, though."

It was clear, in the way he was looking away at nothing with a distant glint in his eye that he was imagining just that.

[herotypical]

"Don't start. Besides -- I'm happy just the way I am."

It was half a truth. Half a lie. The standard configuration of her parts and her pieces gave Buffy little grief; learning to accept being a Slayer had also led to accepting her body for what it was. Lean, capable, and wholly her own. And -- two years deep into a serious relationship -- she lately found she had so much less to be insecure about. However, it was all the intangible architecture underneath that still filled her with a quaking uncertainty. Perhaps she was happy with how she looked, and how she acted, but not with how she felt. Not as often as she'd like, at least. Not with so many absent friends and shadowy enemies.

This time she actually did lean forward and give his elbow a light, cautionary smack. "Attitudes like yours are what's wrong with the world back home."

Well. At lease it was one of the things that were wrong.

[originaljackass]

He held his hands up defensively. He was almost even playful about it. All except the part where he wasn't so much teasing as he actually meant it.

"Hey, all I'm saying is that you're a nine bordering a ten. That's all!"

[herotypical]

"And -- what? Am I supposed to thank you for that verdict?"

[originaljackass]

"It's an expert opinion from someone who'd know."

[herotypical]

"Come on, Jack. This is hardly something for which anyone can ever actually claim expertise. Haven't you heard? Beauty's supposed to be in the eye of the beholder."

[originaljackass]

"And I've done a lot of beholding! Though I prefer C-Holding, D-Holding, and the occasional E-Holding."

1/2

[herotypical]

Hmph.

2/2

[herotypical]

But dammit if there wasn't just something about a guy you'd already been married to that made it much too difficult to be surprised, horrified, offended, or angry. Not beyond the customary trappings of each emotion, at least. Buffy drained her glass with grimace.

"Have you ever considered not being disgusting for -- oh -- at least ten minutes at a time?"

[originaljackass]

He felt particularly proud of himself and he folded his hands behind his head as he leaned back.

"Disgust is in the eye of the beholder. It's one of those two-way street situations."