Ch. 12 - Hollywood was just waiting for Jack of Fables

[originaljackass]

[Today, Jack Horner returned from his mission feeling rather smug. It was more work than it was worth, but Jack had returned with a set of DVDs for the Jack Tales. He may have lost every cent from the trilogy thanks to that bastard Beast from Fabletown, but he still had the movies and that was all that mattered. So after proudly bragging about them to Buffy at the bar, he plugs the first movie into her DVD player and then positions his journal to provide all of Luceti with a video stream of the first movie:

The Jack Tales I: Jack and the Beanstalk.
((ooc: the above link has info on the movie, a synopsis, and the cast of the movie. If you have questions, you can reply to that post.))

After the three hour movie is over, he turns the journal over to himself.]

That's part one of my life story. Pretty amazing, right? Of course, it was way better in real life, but Hollywood can only do so much. I'll wait 'til I show you the next one, though. Back home, people had to wait a whole year. But I think a month ought to do.

[For non-movie related shenanigans, Jack can be found at Good Spirits at 10PM after the movie is over, serving up drinks and doing general bartender-y type things.]

(OoC: The voice part is open for threadjacking! Feel free to have people talk about the movie to one another or what have you. Jack won't necessarily reply to everything!)

Comments

[originaljackass]

"Nepotism runs big in the Slayer biz, eh?"

[herotypical]

"Yes, Jack. We're exactly like a secret society only looking out for our own. Except, y'know, for the part where we save the world. A lot.

Honestly, I didn't even know any Slayers ever had their own families before I met him. Not that they were a family for long."

[originaljackass]

"Hey, how am I supposed to know this stuff? Maybe if you had, I dunno, a movie trilogy or something? Then I'd know."

[herotypical]

"No one would go see a movie about my life. I have no suspiciously phallic beanstalks, nor no heaving bosoms neither."

And she would rather not be reminded of her fictionality once again, considering how much Jack's earlier comment about television shows and singing episodes had sneaked under her skin. "Besides, I'm done with Los Angeles. Let that town be someone else's stomping ground."

[originaljackass]

"Mmm, you'd be great with a heaving bosom, though."

It was clear, in the way he was looking away at nothing with a distant glint in his eye that he was imagining just that.

[herotypical]

"Don't start. Besides -- I'm happy just the way I am."

It was half a truth. Half a lie. The standard configuration of her parts and her pieces gave Buffy little grief; learning to accept being a Slayer had also led to accepting her body for what it was. Lean, capable, and wholly her own. And -- two years deep into a serious relationship -- she lately found she had so much less to be insecure about. However, it was all the intangible architecture underneath that still filled her with a quaking uncertainty. Perhaps she was happy with how she looked, and how she acted, but not with how she felt. Not as often as she'd like, at least. Not with so many absent friends and shadowy enemies.

This time she actually did lean forward and give his elbow a light, cautionary smack. "Attitudes like yours are what's wrong with the world back home."

Well. At lease it was one of the things that were wrong.

[originaljackass]

He held his hands up defensively. He was almost even playful about it. All except the part where he wasn't so much teasing as he actually meant it.

"Hey, all I'm saying is that you're a nine bordering a ten. That's all!"

[herotypical]

"And -- what? Am I supposed to thank you for that verdict?"

[originaljackass]

"It's an expert opinion from someone who'd know."

[herotypical]

"Come on, Jack. This is hardly something for which anyone can ever actually claim expertise. Haven't you heard? Beauty's supposed to be in the eye of the beholder."

[originaljackass]

"And I've done a lot of beholding! Though I prefer C-Holding, D-Holding, and the occasional E-Holding."

1/2

[herotypical]

Hmph.

2/2

[herotypical]

But dammit if there wasn't just something about a guy you'd already been married to that made it much too difficult to be surprised, horrified, offended, or angry. Not beyond the customary trappings of each emotion, at least. Buffy drained her glass with grimace.

"Have you ever considered not being disgusting for -- oh -- at least ten minutes at a time?"

[originaljackass]

He felt particularly proud of himself and he folded his hands behind his head as he leaned back.

"Disgust is in the eye of the beholder. It's one of those two-way street situations."

[herotypical]

"Something tells me I'm not alone in my opinion. I'd do a poll, but..."

A light shrug.

[originaljackass]

"A poll." He held his hands out in front of him, mimicing a screen. "That's what we need. Rate That Rack!"

[herotypical]

"So not my point," she blustered. Ever so gradually, the wine was hitting her bloodstream. "Also? Ew. Plus also? It wouldn't be fair. I'm pretty sure there are multiple women in this town who come from worlds where gravity simply doesn't work the way it's supposed to work."

This observation had fuelled much self-scrutiny in her early Luceti days; however, she's mostly over it.

[originaljackass]

Jack laughed as he considered the implications of that. He'd never really encountered any other worlds where breast size was a key difference. Not until Luceti and some of its improbable women.

"I come from an immortal group of people where by the virtue of our popularity power, we're all uncannily attractive. Fair doesn't even begin to enter into it. Besides! There's probably some guys who like 'em small. They might have small hands or something."

[herotypical]

"And there are some guys who judge a gal not by the content of her cups but by the quality of her character."

[originaljackass]

"You can't quantify a personality, pumpkin. That's ridiculous."

[herotypical]

"...Are you looking to get slapped? Stop calling me that."

[originaljackass]

He shrugged. "Force of habit."

[herotypical]

"Force of habit my ass," she argued -- teetering on the edge of belligerent while buzzed on sweet wine and nothing in her stomach but popcorn. "You were gone. For...a long time. You didn't even remember having said habit when you were home. And now you just waltz back in and bam? Old habits don't die that hard, Jack."

[originaljackass]

Jack glanced at her with the slightest bit of reluctance in his eyes, though it was gone in a second as he turned back to the screen and smirked instead.

"I'd stop, but you make it too fun."

[herotypical]

Another day, she might have caught his reluctance. Not now, though. Not tonight.

"So you're saying that if I just ignore it, it'll go away? That hardly ever works."