originaljackass | Ch. 14 - Life is hunky dory when your name is Jack of Fables

Entry tags:

[action],
[voice]

Ch. 14 - Life is hunky dory when your name is Jack of Fables

[When Jack's memories returned to normal, he found himself sad only to discover his briefcase was empty. And then when he realized that, he rushed to a mirror and was relieved to find out he was still his incredibly handsome and athletic self. He wouldn't be swelling up to a dragon this time. He didn't know why he had been spared that fate this time, but he took it to be a personal victory. Smugly, he smiled at himself, reminded himself of how awesome he was, and was back to his old self again.

And so from every day since Luceti returned to normal, Jack has served more than his normal shifts at the bar. With Buffy still missing and not all of the staff at their best, he was filling in for them. After all, an experiment like that was going to result in a lot of people needing a good stiff drink. He was only pleased to oblige them. After all, Luceti had no form of therapy other than what could be found at the bottom of a glass at Good Spirits.

Today, however, he felt inclined to talk about the experience. Calmly and rationally.]

[Voice]

So that was a hell of a thing. How many of you guys remember the first one? I swear, this place gets loopier each and every day. The fighting at the end was new. Last time around it didn't get so bloody. Well, it did for me. I turned into a dragon and then had a bunch of psycho, devil-associating lesbians hunt me down to kill me. I think we can all agree that a few crazy vulture-winged assholes isn't as bad as it could be. Especially seeing as killing them is easier than shooting fowl in Duck Hunt.

And for those of you still pouting, come on down to Good Spirits. First drink's on the house.

[Jack will be around that evening to serve drinks and be his usual self. At least until he goes heading home that night. The droids get the jump on him and it's off to experimentation land for him!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Clove shows up at the bar during the day. Cato's out; she doesn't know where, doesn't care where. She's still thinking things through herself. While she's not sure she can get a drink-- it can't hurt to try.

So, she takes a seat and makes herself smile a bit.]

Heard something over the Journals about a free drink.

[Oh right. This is one of his daughters. His third newest one, he supposes. He also vaguely recalls meeting her before the whole messy business of families. But he knows her name. He'll likely not forget it any time soon, now. ~~Well not for another four hundred years when they're all dead and he's still alive and kicking.~~]

And you're here to take advantage of the less stringent alcohol laws in regular old Luceti, huh?

Alcohol laws?

[Yes, that is a genuine question. She comes from a place without them.]

Back where I'm from, the legal drinking age is twenty-one. As you can understand, this is incredibly frustrating for Fables that are a thousand years old but don't look a day over sixteen.

[Pinocchio and Boy Blue came to mind. Poor bastards.]

[Briefly, she can imagine how frustrating that must be. But... something else matters more in the immediate.]

What's a Fable?

It's what those of us who aren't from the Mundy world call ourselves. It was an easy title, since the lot of us had a tendency to show up in Mundy stories and books. We're immortal, popular, and in my case, incredibly good looking. And not only that, but I'm the most popular Fable in existence: Jack of the Tales.

Huh.

[Clove looks at him, curious but not doubting. After all, she's been here too long not to believe him. Strange thngs are possible here. Stranger than she could have ever imagined.]

Is that why you have a movie? [She remembers being told about that by him.]

A movie trilogy. But in fact, there's hundreds of stories, shows, and movies about me. I just decided to one up them all and make my story a global blockbuster. See, the more popular a Fable is, the harder they are to kill. And me? I'm as hard to kill as they get now.

[Maybe not as powerful as he was at his height, but he still is pretty strong, even after ten years as a dragon.]

[The more popular, the harder to kill. Like sponsors. Though that wasn't guaranteed, it was a basis of comparison for her, a way to translate.]

That sounds amazing. So. [A smile.] Can I have a drink?

[Ah, his not daughter is at least a fan. He can live with that.]

You know, if I was your real dad? I'd say no. But seeing as I'm not, I only have one question for you: shaken or stirred?

[A fan who's never heard any of the stories. But, hey. They sound pretty cool.]

Whichever's best, I guess? I've never had alcohol before.

Well, Clover, time to introduce you to a brand new world of liquid problem solving. Seeing as it's your first time, we'll ease you in gently. Back where I'm from, classy girls like you prefer the Appletini.

[And so that's what he's going to prepare. Give him just a bit.]

I like apples. [Clove can't help but smile. After all, it's not something she wants to do a lot, but... Right now? Drinking sounds like just the thing.]

Well, that works out nicely. [In a glass, he adds a little bit of vodka, some apple cider, a little vermouth, and a slice of apple along the side. He stirs it and places it in front of her.] So, is this going to be your way of dealing with the traumatic turn of events that led you and I to be deluded into thinking we were related? If so, it's not a bad start. The first time this happened, I had an ex-wife who took a month to stop smoking because of it.

[Clove takes a sip of the drink.

Different. Really different. But not bad.]

I... didn't really mind it. Any of it. [Which might be why she's drinking, as a matter of fact.] I actually kind of liked that world they made.

[He raises an eyebrow, then shrugs.]

I didn't mind it so much. I was rich, Anya made a fantastic wife, and I got to yell at people to do the gardening. And the best bit is that I didn't turn into a dragon at the end. I call that a win.

You can turn into a dragon?

[Because, right now, that's what matters.]

Not intentionally. And it's not nearly as cool as you think it would be. I spent a decade like that before I came back to Luceti.

...Huh. I've only ever seen a dragon here.

[She considers it a bit, sipping at the drink, getting used to the taste.]

I went to school away from my family. Lived at the school and only saw them maybe a couple weekends a month. So it was... kind of nice? going home to a family every day. During that whole thing.

Weird, looking back on it. But not bad.

I've been married a few times. I never had kids, though. Well, you know, never any kids I knew about. Of all the bastards to come and find me, the one that managed it just had to be a demigod with the power of winter on his side. [Fucking Jack Frost. That asshole.]

Never been a family man, though. I ditched my mom when I was ten to go become a professional giant killer. Which is just as well. The bitch wasn't even my real mom. You think she could've told me that beforehand, right?

That sounds really complicated.

[She's still sorting through all of that a second or third time in her head to get it straight.]

Those of us who go to the Academy start when we're five. The ones who don't get kicked out usually say until they're nineteen.

Yeah, well I killed a guy when I was three.

[No. He didn't. But now he just feels competitive, dammit.]

Really? How?

[Wrong reaction, Clove. Especially since it's not a challenge. It's an interest.]

[... shit.]

I pinned him in a corner, right? And then I stuck in my thumb and pulled out his eye.

[... and said 'what a good boy am I?']

...Huh.

[A little strange, but not impossible, she figures. If he left at ten to kill a giant. So, well. She doesn't doubt him.]

action:

action:

action:

action:

action:

action:

action:

action:

action:

action:

action:

action:

action:

action:

action:

action:

action:

action:

action:

action:

action:

action:

action:

action:

action: