Ch. 14 - Life is hunky dory when your name is Jack of Fables

[originaljackass]

[When Jack's memories returned to normal, he found himself sad only to discover his briefcase was empty. And then when he realized that, he rushed to a mirror and was relieved to find out he was still his incredibly handsome and athletic self. He wouldn't be swelling up to a dragon this time. He didn't know why he had been spared that fate this time, but he took it to be a personal victory. Smugly, he smiled at himself, reminded himself of how awesome he was, and was back to his old self again.

And so from every day since Luceti returned to normal, Jack has served more than his normal shifts at the bar. With Buffy still missing and not all of the staff at their best, he was filling in for them. After all, an experiment like that was going to result in a lot of people needing a good stiff drink. He was only pleased to oblige them. After all, Luceti had no form of therapy other than what could be found at the bottom of a glass at Good Spirits.

Today, however, he felt inclined to talk about the experience. Calmly and rationally.]

[Voice]

So that was a hell of a thing. How many of you guys remember the first one? I swear, this place gets loopier each and every day. The fighting at the end was new. Last time around it didn't get so bloody. Well, it did for me. I turned into a dragon and then had a bunch of psycho, devil-associating lesbians hunt me down to kill me. I think we can all agree that a few crazy vulture-winged assholes isn't as bad as it could be. Especially seeing as killing them is easier than shooting fowl in Duck Hunt.

And for those of you still pouting, come on down to Good Spirits. First drink's on the house.

[Jack will be around that evening to serve drinks and be his usual self. At least until he goes heading home that night. The droids get the jump on him and it's off to experimentation land for him!]

Comments

[smallsurvivor]

What's a Mundy?

[originaljackass]

It's your people. People home grown on Earth and are otherwise oblivious to the existence of magic and other worlds. [A pause and then he leans over the counter and gives her a small 'atta girl' punch to the shoulder. And then gives her a milkshake.] But you're a great Mundy. So don't feel bad about it!

[smallsurvivor]

[she just looks at the milkshake and then back to Jack.]


Um.



Thanks.

[originaljackass]

[Hm. Kids love milkshakes. He was positive this was a thing. Sure, they didn't have milkshakes when he was a kid, but...

Oh hell. This was going to have to be a Moment.]

Alright, Clem. It's time to fess up. What's eating at you?

[smallsurvivor]

[What NO there should be no moment why is he looking to have a moment?]

Oh, um. Nothing.

[She shakes her head and looks away. Talking about feelings is awkward.]

[originaljackass]

I'm a thousand years old and you're nine. You've got a long way before you can go hiding complicated feelings. And you're in a bar. This is the best place to talk about your problems. So lay them on me.

[smallsurvivor]

It's ok. I just. Wanted to be with you today.


Is that bad?

[originaljackass]

That's not bad, Clem. Lots of people want to be around me. But you can still talk to me.

[He's really trying here and he had expected her to spill her guts already. Why does this have to be so hard?]

[smallsurvivor]

But we are talking!

[Topic effortlessly deflected?]

[originaljackass]

Well. Got me there.

[He pours a drink for himself. Just some soda.]

I'll talk, then. Did you know I had two daughters? Teenagers. Looked nothing like me. I think one of them may be a sociopath. [...] Probably both of them, really.

[smallsurvivor]

What's a soci-o-[Wait what was the rest of it?] thing?

[originaljackass]

[Probably me?]

I'm shaky on the definition. Pretty sure it means they don't have regular feelings. They'd rather just go around killing people to feel better.

[smallsurvivor]

Well. Sometimes you have to kill people. When they're crazy, or when they're trying to kill you.

[originaljackass]

True. I also had a wife. She was pretty greedy. She wouldn't even let me access her bank account.

[smallsurvivor]

Aren't you supposed to share with people when you get married?

[originaljackass]

You're supposed to! But it was a fake marriage and the money wasn't real. So I guess it don't matter. But it was nice being rich again.