originaljackass: originaljackass @ LJ (Serious contemplation)
This post is for threading with Jack anytime and anywhere. It can be used for Action or the Ring feature on journals to get in contact with him for personal conversations.

Note: When making a new thread, please title it like such:

[Action, January 3rd]
[Voice, March 8th]
[Written, June 11th]
originaljackass: (Shadowed)
In which Jack Horner is probably half mad, but not half proud )


Clementine is back to her zombie paradise. She knows how to use a gun, so she might last a few more years. Maybe even ten or twenty. That's a normal lifespan, right? Anyway, she's gone. Just in case anybody gives a damn.

[He considers answering any responses, but eh. What's the point? She's gone, thus she's irrelevant. Only an idiot would get sappy at this point.]
originaljackass: originaljackass @ LJ (Stay out of my way)
Jack's return to Luceti had been a messy affair and he had come back bloody and worst yet, utterly blind. A day had past since then and while Jack had spent that darkness in silence, he'd been relieved when his sight had came back to him. At least until a certain man kept appearing wherever he went. This old man, suited and condescending, had much to say on whatever Jack was doing. By now, Jack had learned to start ignoring him. But it was getting hard, because that man had a way of getting under his skin. He always knew what to say and what not to say.

And nobody could see or hear him but Jack.

But he wouldn't let that ruin his day. He would be found at Good Spirits, doing his part to serve drinks and ignore the old man. But unlike his usual shifts, Jack was partaking of the booze as well. If he got a little buzzed, he figured it would be easier to put up with the judgemental tone.

But before that, he had to settle other things, on the journals:


I'm back. The suits brought me back. I had some blindness for a bit, but it's gone now. To all those sexy hot women who were lost without me? Be lost no more.

Also, Lee. You can bring Clem back. I'll take it from here.
originaljackass: (Socializing)
[When Jack's memories returned to normal, he found himself sad only to discover his briefcase was empty. And then when he realized that, he rushed to a mirror and was relieved to find out he was still his incredibly handsome and athletic self. He wouldn't be swelling up to a dragon this time. He didn't know why he had been spared that fate this time, but he took it to be a personal victory. Smugly, he smiled at himself, reminded himself of how awesome he was, and was back to his old self again.

And so from every day since Luceti returned to normal, Jack has served more than his normal shifts at the bar. With Buffy still missing and not all of the staff at their best, he was filling in for them. After all, an experiment like that was going to result in a lot of people needing a good stiff drink. He was only pleased to oblige them. After all, Luceti had no form of therapy other than what could be found at the bottom of a glass at Good Spirits.

Today, however, he felt inclined to talk about the experience. Calmly and rationally.]


So that was a hell of a thing. How many of you guys remember the first one? I swear, this place gets loopier each and every day. The fighting at the end was new. Last time around it didn't get so bloody. Well, it did for me. I turned into a dragon and then had a bunch of psycho, devil-associating lesbians hunt me down to kill me. I think we can all agree that a few crazy vulture-winged assholes isn't as bad as it could be. Especially seeing as killing them is easier than shooting fowl in Duck Hunt.

And for those of you still pouting, come on down to Good Spirits. First drink's on the house.

[Jack will be around that evening to serve drinks and be his usual self. At least until he goes heading home that night. The droids get the jump on him and it's off to experimentation land for him!]
originaljackass: (pic#6004225)
[Voice - Locked to Women]

Ladies, Jack Horner here. You may have seen my movie. If not, I work at Good Spirits, the local and only bar. We run a classy joint, but it's come to my attention that my good friend and fellow server of alcoholic beverages, has been going through a rough patch. This man has been going for far too long without a good and proper fucking. The man has no girlfriend and yet he continues to serve your drinks with no complaints. Oh sure, he's constantly scowling and he's about as pleasant as a cactus, but the point is: this man is rendering a service without asking for anything in return.

So I ask you ladies, who will take one for the team and give this man some action? Sure, he's sort of plain looking and in desperate need of a haircut, but he's not that bad. I mean, here, let me show you a picture.

[The video pans to a picture Jack managed to obtain that displays Asch the Bloody. See how sad he looks? How desperate he is for some action?]

This man's name is Asch. And he needs you.

Oh, for the record, I wouldn't be against a little extra action thrown my way. Not that I'm desperate or anything. Far from it. Just thought I'd offer.
originaljackass: (pic#6004227)
[Today, Jack Horner returned from his mission feeling rather smug. It was more work than it was worth, but Jack had returned with a set of DVDs for the Jack Tales. He may have lost every cent from the trilogy thanks to that bastard Beast from Fabletown, but he still had the movies and that was all that mattered. So after proudly bragging about them to Buffy at the bar, he plugs the first movie into her DVD player and then positions his journal to provide all of Luceti with a video stream of the first movie:

The Jack Tales I: Jack and the Beanstalk.
((ooc: the above link has info on the movie, a synopsis, and the cast of the movie. If you have questions, you can reply to that post.))

After the three hour movie is over, he turns the journal over to himself.]

That's part one of my life story. Pretty amazing, right? Of course, it was way better in real life, but Hollywood can only do so much. I'll wait 'til I show you the next one, though. Back home, people had to wait a whole year. But I think a month ought to do.

[For non-movie related shenanigans, Jack can be found at Good Spirits at 10PM after the movie is over, serving up drinks and doing general bartender-y type things.]

(OoC: The voice part is open for threadjacking! Feel free to have people talk about the movie to one another or what have you. Jack won't necessarily reply to everything!)
originaljackass: originaljackass @ LJ (Secret Agent Man)
Action all up in here )


Hey Luceti, looking good. Your old pal Jack Horner is back, better than ever. How's it been? Did you miss me? Damn is it good to be back here. Did you guys redecorate? Things look different. Kind of.

Hey Buffy, you still with that second-rate knock off of me? How about we climb in bed and you can slay me next? Or Saber, you could be my Once and Future Fling. Lightning, babe, how about we ignite that spark between us again. Aerith, let me offer some help with your gardening and do some deflowering. Karai, feel free to ninja your way between my sheets at your convenience. Saten, I'd love to explore your dark side, inch by inch. And Nami, you're Luceti's next top model, so just for you, I'll let you do the topping.

Damn, can I just say that I missed you guys? Well, you know, not while I was home. Didn't remember any of you. But holy hell am I glad to be back here again.
originaljackass: (Light 'em up)
[Last night, Jack stayed over at Rose's place, just like he had been for a few nights now. He'd finally worked his way into her good graces and he couldn't be happier. But when he woke up this morning, it was in an empty bed. And then he realized it was an empty room inside an empty apartment. It was like no one had ever lived there. Frustratingly, whoever did the cleaning up in this place, apparently considered the clothes he left by the bed to be part of her belongings to be 'cleaned away'. About nine in the morning, Jack spent the morning hoofing it from Building 7 over to 4, wearing nothing but a blanket around his bottom half. Damn Malnosso. Up until now he'd thought they were just dickwads. Now he knew they truly were utter assholes.

Later, once he has clothing on again, Jack finds himself in a rather poor mood. He'd almost had it all. He'd been happy in Luceti, for once. He hadn't been this happy since he was with Holly. Now he was back to having nothing and it pissed him off to no end. After realizing that booze wasn't helping, he spends most of the day doing hard labor at the farm. At least his efforts were paying off. Wouldn't be long until it would be time to harvest.

When evening comes, he intends to hit up Cloud Nine... only to find it's not in use. Sitting on the stairs to the night club, he opens up his journal, still late in the evening, to ask what happened.]

Anyone know what happened to Cloud Nine? I was hoping for somewhere to relax, maybe enjoy some music and drink, the company of some beautiful women. I'm not going to have to settle for the bar again, am I?

[Later in the evening, in the plaza, Jack will have fished out a harmonica among his belongings. He's playing a slow tune to improve his mood. He's a little rusty, but he improves as he carries on.]
originaljackass: (Magic beans for sale)

All the kids were packed at the beach yesterday. I took a stroll through there, just to be reminded that over half this place is under the age of seventeen. What a pain.

[Having spent a few centuries in a town full of immortals, teenagers and children were a pretty rare sight, save for those stuck at that age like Pinocchio and Ozma. So for a womanizer like Jack who has standards about the age of the Mundys he dates, this isvery much a pain in the ass.]

Let's have our own beach shindig. One evening, at sunset, with a cabana for serving drinks. There's not as many of us people who are on the better side of twenty, but us old people have to stick together. [Yet despite being hundreds of years old, Jack has never, ever felt old.] Anybody willing to throw their hat in for the bar tending? I'll even throw the hut together for you. [After all, he did make the House that Jack Built.]

Oh, one more thing. To all the beautiful new babes out there - and I'm not talking to you schoolgirls out there - welcome to Luceti. I'm Jack Horner. We should get to know each other better.


[Meanwhile, Jack's day is a rather interesting one as he sits at home and rubs his gut. When did he get a gut? How could he get a gut? He doesn't like this, not at all. He's vaguely terrified he's going to turn into a dragon all over again. Ultimately it drives him out of the house and to the stores, so he can look for a weight lifting set. Though when he does finally locate one, he realizes his own super strength is going to be working against him if he actually wants to get legit exercise. Damn. It prompts him to get back on the journals a few hours later with a different message.]


Anyone got any tips for staying in shape? I mean, besides the diet and exercise shit. [A pause as he considers. He doesn't have the patience or discipline for that kind of thing.] Like a job or something.
originaljackass: (Bang you're dead)
cut for tl;dr nonsense about Jack's reactions to dying. )


Looks like I'm back to the land of the living and I ain't a dragon anymore. How is it that death is the cure for so many afflictions? First order of business - any women out there wanting a roll in the hay? It's been months since I had any. We can make it as romantic as you like, suits me just fine.

Oh. Guess I owe an apology towards certain individuals for any injuries I may have caused during that scuffle. But in my defense? You guys killed me. So don't expect me to feel too guilty about that.

Thirdly... thirdly... I need some cigarettes and a beer. And some painkillers. I also think I've got on hell of a case of phantom limb going here after losing those extra wings... and the tail.

Oh yeah, anyone seen a tiny blue cow running around? I lost track of the thing a few weeks ago.

[Yeah, screw the journal, he's going to the bar to smoke and drink. If he can't have some sex, this will just have to do.]
originaljackass: (Listening for once)
[When Jack Horner woke this morning, he did so on a pile of gold and with a pain in his back as if he had at one point had two massive wings and a tail sticking out of two different points of it. He was also, quite awkwardly, completely naked. Fortunately enough amongst his belongings, a few suits had got tossed into that briefcase of his, so he changed into one of those and deciding he looked decidedly handsome like this, got to his feet and paying little mind to his collection of gold, set foot out of the cave and... spotted the village a few miles away. That was going to be an annoying walk.

Some hours later, Jack strolls into Luceti. Being hungry, his first stop is one of the restaurants, then he'll go check up on his old apartment, need to look in on Babe wherever that dumb cow got to, and maybe pester Buffy about getting his old clothes back. At the very least, though, he's acting pleasant and is actually legitimately happy. Not because he's been forced to be happy, but because for once, he's not looking out for number one. After sorting through most of his stuff, he hops on the journals to leave a message.]


Looks like I beat the dragon thing. Good thing too, gottta say, the whole experience was a shitty one. For the record, never eat a bear whole. I don't know how Bigby survives. [Well, whatever. More importantly...] So... anything important happen these last two months?

((ooc: responses will be slow until the evening!))
originaljackass: originaljackass @ LJ (Jack the Dragon)
[Jack is getting restless now. It's been nearly a month since he was turned into this big hulking beast and frankly? It's getting pretty damn old. Each day he has to roll in his gold a little longer to make himself feel better and he's less and less inclined to leave his gold behind. That damn pirate is going to try and find it, he just knows it. Still, hunger is hunger and he's getting sick of deer, bears, cows, and sheep. The farm animals are the easiest to get, but he's noticed he's been... thinning the herd a bit. He can't live off them forever. As for hunting? It's a pain in the ass.

Well, if he's going to be stuck like this, like hell he's going to just hide. So retreating from his cave, he'll be flying towards town. He'll stop just behind the grocery store and land there. Seeing as he's too big to get in... he'll just bust a hole in the roof and start grabbing stuff that way. Good thing these buildings auto-repair and the food restocks itself, because he won't be leaving much of a store behind by the time he's done.]

((ooc: Feel free to catch him at the store or prowling around the mountains. But not so much his secret treasure horde... not yet!))
originaljackass: originaljackass @ LJ (Jack the Dragon)
[So, the experiment was over. Jack spent an entire day rolling in his gold thinking about it. It was pretty ridiculous. Him? A family man? Raising a kid? It's a wonder he even believed that bullshit. The great Jack Horner was too awesome and cool to be saddled by any woman and he never went around leaving bastard children around. Except that one time, but that was a fluke. He certainly didn't stick around for eighteen some years raising them, that's for sure.

Not that this was at the forefront of his concerns, as he stared gloomily in the river. The reflection of that crocodile grinned beast did little to improve his mood. It was what? Two days ago, he reckons. He was about the size of a walrus, but his lust for wealth was enough to drive him from consuming all the food he could. He managed to steal Sparrow's half of the loot and then turned his so-called brother in for the loot. The more he thought about that, the more convinced he was that not feeling remotely remorseful for it was the right way to go. After all, if he hadn't done it, Sparrow would have. That's how the game was played.

The hike up the mountain had been one that compelled him, almost as strong as the Shift that made him think he was a father. Like some sort of destiny or compulsion or something. He just HAD to find a cave. Somewhere to make sure his loot would be never found. But the moment he spilled the contents, there was more gold than he ever had suspected he collected. Maybe more than had even existed in that dream land. Was it the gold he stole from El Dorado, finally in Luceti? Well, if it was, that would be comforting at least. And he did feel a lot better when he rolled around in it, buried his face under the gold, and had a long dragon nap.

Eventually hunger had won out over greed, leading him to where is now. He'd tried his hand hunting in the forest, but nothing about a twenty ton dragon was subtle and when he tried to chase animals in the woods, he kept tripping over trees and generally being fairly useless. Eventually his eyes settled on the farmlands left over and he realized he had a feast all corralled in one convenient fence. Big, meaty cows. Even though one would last him for a day, he gobbled down three before he was satisfied. Because he hadn't quite got a handle on this flying business yet, he was taking the long way back to his cave, following the river upstream. But his reflection was really distraction.

Damn. How is he going to score with chicks looking like this?]

(tl;dr version - Jack the Dragon can be found prowling the woods and failing at hunting, up in the farmlands, or north of the village along the river. He's a fairly large dragon. Here's a pic for comparison. He can eat a cow in one mouthful, if that tells you anything. Also, tags will come from [livejournal.com profile] dragonjack until... whenever he's human again.)
originaljackass: originaljackass @ LJ (Default)
[Great thing about New Feather cycles? Lots of pretty new faces, all of them in skimpy sundresses, many of them in need of a strapping hero to get them settled in. Jack has been kind enough to oblige a fair number of them. Not as many as he'd like, as he's been beaten to the punch several times. Hiatuses, go figure.]


To all the hotties out there, New Feathers or not, I'm Jack of the Tales. I'm in the market for helping out with some odd tasks. A man's got to keep himself busy, right? So lay something on me. As long as it ain't scrubbing toilets, I'm up for it. But just know that my usual line of work is hero business. It's part of why I'm so legendary.

[Some pen taps go here before:] In fact, if anyone's got any suggestions for a more permanent line of work, I'll hear it. [True, Jack is a conman and likes to skirt by doing nothing, but he's been doing that for a month now and it's going to drive him crazy.]

[Answers to his question or not, Jack is going to take a walk around town, with an absentminded dog-sized blue ox following him around. Jack could care less about the company. Aside from stopping in on the stores, he'll be having dinner at Seventh Heaven and later having a beer at Good Spirits. Also, he might be hanging around outside C4 for any new renters that have moved in. Of the female persuasion, of course, but he'll talk to guys too. He just won't care as much.]

((ooc: I suck at hiatus okay, shut up. Tags will come in spurts here and there.))
originaljackass: originaljackass @ LJ (Now with class)
[Written // Locked to men only]

We've got plenty of other hotblooded men around here, right? Sure, some of you are pretty girly looking - which is confusing, by the way. Not the point. There's a ton of babes running around here. Hotness central. Unnaturally huge knockers run rampant in this freakshow of a village. Hard for a guy like me to pick just one as the best. [Not that he ever does that or anything. Why settle for one?]

So lay it on me, lads. Who's the hottest babe in this town? Don't be shy. If you can feel your panties getting all bunched up just reading this, then you should probably sit this one out.

[That taken care of, Jack is off to visit Buffy. They have a previous engagement, after all. He'll also be at Good Spirits earlier in the day, or just around town, for any of the lady types who have been missing their dose of Horner.]

(ooc: Okay, for the voice/written post? Please, please, please go all out with the thread jacking! I'm not even kidding. I want to see shit hijacked all over the place up in here. Hell, Jack himself might not even reply to some of these threads unless they interest him personally. Go wild, please! It'll be fun, honest.)
originaljackass: (I'm better than you)
[Right now he's got his feet kicked up on a stack of all the various books he could find where he was in them. Collections of fairy tales, fables, and more colorful adaptions - all of them. The other day he raided the library and took all of them home. If people want to go off and read about him, they'll have to talk to the real thing first. After having spoken to some other people about their worlds and sharing his own identity when convenient, Jack has come to some conclusions about Luceti. Ones that requires a little more looking into.]


You people have legends in your world, right? Any of them true? Any of you ever met them? Or hell, maybe some of you are the legendary type too.

I'm one of the latter. I'm Jack of the Tales - at least, all the good ones. Any of you [losers] people heard of me?

Oh right, one more thing. Someone mind telling me how those filters work? Seems like it could be handy.

[Later, for anyone who wants to bother him in person, he'll be hanging out at the shops, wishing he had money to spend on all of it (even though it's all free). Luceti is a poor place to be for a man obsessed with wealth.]
originaljackass: originaljackass @ LJ (Lock and load)

Hey Kennedy, meet me at Good Spirits. We're going to have a drink.

[Despite his fantastic lack of an intro post, Jack is actually already settled into Luceti, having already been around for over a week now. Having noticed the large quantity of people who walk around with weapons, Jack has already looted the smithy for a pistol and a perfectly preserved Confederate Officer's saber he'd kept since the war. Sure, it had no special powers and would probably shatter if he used his full strength hitting something with it, but damn if he didn't look cool. Hell, he even has his old officer's hat to go with it.

He'll be available at Good Spirits both before and after meeting Kennedy (if indeed the poor sailor shows up) to be poked and prodded. Or if that's not your thing, he'll be taking his time on his way home in spite of the heavy snowfall (which barely bothers him anyway), whistling a forgotten tune, and wondering what a man is to do in a moneyless economy when his greatest ambition is having lots of money. Which he already had in the real world.]


Aug. 26th, 2007 12:41 pm
originaljackass: originaljackass @ LJ (Default)
Here lies Jack's collection of different information, factoids, and so forth.


originaljackass: originaljackass @ LJ (Default)
Jack Horner

April 2014

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