Ch. 1 - There is no plan without Jack of Fables

[originaljackass]

[Voice]

Hey Kennedy, meet me at Good Spirits. We're going to have a drink.

[Despite his fantastic lack of an intro post, Jack is actually already settled into Luceti, having already been around for over a week now. Having noticed the large quantity of people who walk around with weapons, Jack has already looted the smithy for a pistol and a perfectly preserved Confederate Officer's saber he'd kept since the war. Sure, it had no special powers and would probably shatter if he used his full strength hitting something with it, but damn if he didn't look cool. Hell, he even has his old officer's hat to go with it.

He'll be available at Good Spirits both before and after meeting Kennedy (if indeed the poor sailor shows up) to be poked and prodded. Or if that's not your thing, he'll be taking his time on his way home in spite of the heavy snowfall (which barely bothers him anyway), whistling a forgotten tune, and wondering what a man is to do in a moneyless economy when his greatest ambition is having lots of money. Which he already had in the real world.]

Comments

[Action]

[simplestgift]

[Then this guy would remember Archie's time.]

Right. What year did the frogs kill Louis?

[Action]

[originaljackass]

[Any historian could bluff their way through this, but whatever.]

Early '93. I remember it clearly because of how much I didn't give a damn at the time.

[Action]

[simplestgift]

[Ask the same question of a modern-day average Joe and see what answer you get.]

Who won the war?

[He doesn't know the answer, but he'd like to hear what Jack has to say.]

[Action]

[originaljackass]

Nobody. Ended with a truce. Say, what year did you say you were from again?

[Don't ask Jack what the war was all about. He fought for the Confederate side. He didn't exactly bother to check what their side was all about. Fable wars are about good vs. evil. Mundy wars are horrible, pointless things.]

[Action]

[simplestgift]

Eighteen hundred and two. It was January.

[A truce? Suddenly Jack isn't an irritating oddity--he's a source of news.]

[Action]

[originaljackass]

Sounds like you just missed it. [It occurs to him that at this rate, Archie is going to be an annoyance if he keeps asking questions like that. He's running out of things he can remember from reading the weekly newspaper back in those days.]

You know, betcha the library has history books for around that time. You can find out all you'd like.

[Action]

[simplestgift]

[He tops off Jack's drink with a sigh. Well, it would be just his luck to get killed in action just before the war ended. The thought of spending a day at the library is more appealing than spending it in the bar, but he can't wait to have one question answered.]

One more thing. Did you ever hear anything about a man named H-Horatio Hornblower? Of what happened to him?

[It may be a long shot, but it's hardly inconceivable that Horatio became a war hero after all. Horatio always had all the luck Archie seemed to be missing.]

[Action]

[originaljackass]

[He downs the drink and doesn't answer for a good while, before giving Archie a perplexed look.]

Ain't that the name of a mundy book?

[Action]

[simplestgift]

Really? They wrote a book about him?

[Action]

[originaljackass]

[Whether it's a fictional account or a real story, Jack couldn't tell you.]

Sounds familiar, anyway.

[Action]

[simplestgift]

[Whatever. This is the best news Archie's had in a week! More than a week! Maybe they have it at the library. It might give him a sense of closure to know how the rest of Horatio's life played out.]

Thank you. [He tops off Jack's drink again, then his own. Grasping the glass, he lifts it in a little toast.] Now. You were saying about people dying and your plan and all?

[Getting back to foreboding stuff, now that his spirits are lifted. If he doesn't know Jack's plans, how can he thwart them?]

[Action]

[originaljackass]

Simple. Earn the trust of the population and when the time's right, lead us all to freedom. I've done it once. Damned if I can't do it again.

[Of course his escape plan was successful insofar as about a dozen out of a hundred people escaped. But he would later return to that same place and lead them in glorious battle against a far worse enemy. While eating a taco.]

[Action]

[simplestgift]

And for those who don't want to escape?

[It's not that Archie's not homesick, but leaving Luceti isn't exactly going to do much for that. He's been trying to think of this as a fresh start, after all. Looking at how he's sitting at a bar with Jack, he's not doing too well on that front.]

[Action]

[originaljackass]

They can stay. [A glance at him as he tests the water.] Especially if they've got nothing to go back to.

[Action]

[simplestgift]

[A pause. Archie doesn't have much of a poker face, to say the least, so he gives a visible twitch of discomfort.]

That's not a plan, Jack. That's an objective. As I understand it, you may as well try to walk to the moon as escape to your own world. What are you going to do about that?

[Action]

[originaljackass]

[Thought so.]

One step at a time, pal. A good strategy is having all the good cards exactly where you want them, then you just have to wait for the opportune moment.

[Action]

[simplestgift]

And what's in it for you, helping people you don't know get back to a world you'll never visit?

[Archie's beginning to wonder about this guy. Either he's more sinister than he thought, or...less sinister than he's making himself out to be.]

[Action]

[originaljackass]

I get to go home, where I have a briefcase filled with enough gold to make me a king a dozen times over. But I'm smart enough to realize, great as I am, I can't do it all on my own.

[He doesn't know that, once he does get home, he gets to turn into a dragon and face the potential fate of his son slaying him.]

Jack the Dragon? Really?

[simplestgift]

That's a surprise.

He's ruled by narrative convention. What happens to a jerkass with a ton of gold?

[originaljackass]

See? I don't even have to pretend that much. No dastardly plans to take over Luceti here.

Apparently he becomes a dragon.

[simplestgift]

I meant I'm surprised you can't do it all on your own. I was beginning to think you'd leapt from the womb wrestling hydras.

A dragon on a bed of gold. Smaug all over.

[originaljackass]

No, but I wouldn't put it past me if I had. [In fact, he should probably work that into his own backstory.]

[simplestgift]

[That was not a suggestion! What is wrong with this man?]

Is there a point to my continued presence here, Jack?

[Besides the fact that, even though he won't admit it, he's starting to sort of like this particular not-Scotch?]

[originaljackass]

[He leans back his stool, draping one arm over the back of it.]

Seeing as you don't have the stones to work with me on this one, I guess not.

[simplestgift]

You haven't even said how I have anything to do with it!

[He leaves the word "blockhead" off the end of that sentence. Unfortunately, he's also taking the bait. Just a little bit.]