Ch. 12 - Hollywood was just waiting for Jack of Fables

[originaljackass]

[Today, Jack Horner returned from his mission feeling rather smug. It was more work than it was worth, but Jack had returned with a set of DVDs for the Jack Tales. He may have lost every cent from the trilogy thanks to that bastard Beast from Fabletown, but he still had the movies and that was all that mattered. So after proudly bragging about them to Buffy at the bar, he plugs the first movie into her DVD player and then positions his journal to provide all of Luceti with a video stream of the first movie:

The Jack Tales I: Jack and the Beanstalk.
((ooc: the above link has info on the movie, a synopsis, and the cast of the movie. If you have questions, you can reply to that post.))

After the three hour movie is over, he turns the journal over to himself.]

That's part one of my life story. Pretty amazing, right? Of course, it was way better in real life, but Hollywood can only do so much. I'll wait 'til I show you the next one, though. Back home, people had to wait a whole year. But I think a month ought to do.

[For non-movie related shenanigans, Jack can be found at Good Spirits at 10PM after the movie is over, serving up drinks and doing general bartender-y type things.]

(OoC: The voice part is open for threadjacking! Feel free to have people talk about the movie to one another or what have you. Jack won't necessarily reply to everything!)

Comments

[originaljackass]

"Hey, if it'd been me, I'd have been on my best behavior. But I'd look good doing it."

In fact, if the penalty for failing to escape was being stuck a woman for awhile, then that was something he could live with. It'd certainly be educational.

[herotypical]

"Spike was on his, but it was still a miserable experience. No one wants to be body-jacked, no matter who's the gentleman on the other side of the swap."

[originaljackass]

"Yeah but Sparrow didn't body-jack you, right? Just got turned into you. That's completely different."

[herotypical]

"Semantics."

She popped the collar on her jacket, as if concerned with the cold. "Just semantics."

[originaljackass]

As they got to the middle of the bridge, Jack turned to the railing to look over.

"It was just a copy of your body, though. Not the real thing."

[herotypical]

"An exact copy. Down to every last freckle and follicle."

And Jack had seen all. He'd admitted as much, and tried to make clumsy amends when he flashed a good portion of Good Spirits on a dare. Quid pro quo. Buffy had been horrified. "I think that makes it real enough."

[originaljackass]

"Nah, Sparrow-you wasn't nearly as much of a hottie. See, I got this guy back home who's a copy of me. Calls himself John and has black hair. But he only kinda looks like me. I'm way more attractive."

[herotypical]

She kicked at the bridge rail.

"What you're referring to, Jack, is my natural charm and charisma. The parts of a person that are more than just skin deep."

But Buffy hoped she was wrong. Even as she rebelled against Horner's objectification, she hardly wanted to entertain the notion that he might appreciate her in more than a superficial capacity.

[originaljackass]

"Maybe I was just referring to his complete lack of it, eh?"

[herotypical]

...Few could quite see what she saw in him, she supposed. Of course they couldn't. If they did, it wouldn't be have as particular and unique, would it? So Buffy didn't mind not bothering to defend him to others. Especially not Horner.

But damn if talking about him didn't make her miss him.

"Ha-ha," she answered dryly. "This from the man who's not all that different from him. Not in some ways."

[originaljackass]

"Sure. There's similarities. But that's like comparing Cadillac to a station wagon. They both got four wheels, but one's quality and the other is a cheap knock off." He paused for a moment, then added: "... I'm the Cadillac."

[herotypical]

She lifted up a hand.

"Hello, life-long pedestrian here. Car metaphors don't really rev my engine."

[originaljackass]

"I'd rev your engine."

[herotypical]

"...I'll wait for my station wagon, thanks. I don't need the Caddy's bells and whistles."

[originaljackass]

He shrugged and pushed himself off the railing, resuming his path to the bar.

"Your loss."

[herotypical]

She once again matched his pace, paradoxically content to remain at his side.

"And yet, I don't feel like the loser. Do yourself a favour, Jack. Find a yourself a long-term someone. Even if that term is only as long as a few months. Monogamy does wonders for the soul."

[originaljackass]

"Not counting you, the last time I did monogamy, my wife got blown up in a car bomb as part of some plot that involved Ukrainians and Lady Luck eating people's brains."

For a rare moment, it was clear that this was a subject that did upset him. Holly may have been a mundy, but he felt something for her. She was the perfect woman. And those bastards took her from him.

[herotypical]

Not counting you.

A sourness seeped in: the unfortunate mixture of guilt and sympathy, slyly finding its way to her heart. It wasn't a challenge to drum up emotions on Jack's behalf. Not now. Not any longer. There he was, lodged in some obscure corner of her heart. A corner she'd never admit to possessing. It didn't matter that she'd heard some pieces before now, his tragedies stung her.

"...You still miss her?"

A stupid question. She knew so.

1/2

[originaljackass]

He managed to increase his stride so he could move on ahead of her. But he did nod.

"Yeah. Sometimes."

[originaljackass]

But he turned back to look at her with a devious grin.

"We're talking major hottie. Slender but busty, blonde hair, and legs that don't stop. And I mean busty, just the right size and real. And for a mundy, she wasn't half bad at sex either."

[herotypical]

...This was a game she'd played before. With herself and with others. Deflection; deception; denial. Horner was better at it than nearly -- nearly -- anyone else she'd met. But then again, the handful of people who did populate that same class were all...special cases. Individuals she found herself eager to meet. Speak with. And spin gloriously gratuitous smoke-screens via co-conspiratorial coping.

So: "Lemme guess, she also never stumbled in her impractically high heels."

If you can't beat the dreary out of them, join them in their fantasy.

[originaljackass]

"Buffy, that woman glided in them. She had a lot of fine qualities, but being born into money was one of my favorite of them. She was like a modern day princess."

True to form, Jack had certainly rebounded once he found himself the heir to her fortune. Sure, he was still upset and he did get to avenge her. But the money really helped with the healing process.

[herotypical]

"And I'd bet my final feather that her name was something undeniably feminine but still classy enough not to belong to a Valley Girl. Like, say, Audrey."

[originaljackass]

"Holly." The correction was fairly immediate. He tended to forget the names of most women, save for those rare exceptional women. Usually Fables, because he spent a lot more time around them.

[herotypical]

"Holly, who glides in her heels. Going lightly, one assumes. Yep, she sounds like a total Audrey."

A noun, now. Not a name.