originaljackass | Ch. 13 - There's no dating service quite like Jack of Fables

[Voice - Locked to Women]

Ladies, Jack Horner here. You may have seen my movie. If not, I work at Good Spirits, the local and only bar. We run a classy joint, but it's come to my attention that my good friend and fellow server of alcoholic beverages, has been going through a rough patch. This man has been going for far too long without a good and proper fucking. The man has no girlfriend and yet he continues to serve your drinks with no complaints. Oh sure, he's constantly scowling and he's about as pleasant as a cactus, but the point is: this man is rendering a service without asking for anything in return.

So I ask you ladies, who will take one for the team and give this man some action? Sure, he's sort of plain looking and in desperate need of a haircut, but he's not that bad. I mean, here, let me show you a picture.

[The video pans to a picture Jack managed to obtain that displays Asch the Bloody. See how sad he looks? How desperate he is for some action?]

This man's name is Asch. And he needs you.

Oh, for the record, I wouldn't be against a little extra action thrown my way. Not that I'm desperate or anything. Far from it. Just thought I'd offer.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

I noticed. You going through your menagerie of old buddies drove you off topic.

Fair enough. There's only so much one can really say about sex, though.

And what makes you so sure?

"... Do you think they know how to make pizza?"

She hadn't come across it on the menu yet, but it would be an easy thing to order without being complicated. Though the menu does mention that it takes custom orders that aren't on the menu as well.

"Wouldn't be much of a restaurant if they didn't, right? Stay put, I'll go find out."

He stood.

I've been around for a good long while. Centuries, even.

"Right-o. Staying put here."

She sits back in the chair, folding her arms and taking a better look around.

Jack spent some time discussing the issue with the person out front, explaining what he wanted, making vague gestures, and relating a tale about the time he invented pizza, before finally returning to Anya.

"I hope you like pepperoni."

He didn't mean the Luceti ship.

That took a while, but it probably felt longer due to the boredom factor.

"Sounds good compared to what Dawn orders in."

"Dawn?"

In all of his time knowing Buffy, he'd never bothered remembering she had a sister.

I'm not sure if I understand what you mean by that.

Tool. It means... [Ah, screw it.] I just mean, even if he's kind of a dick, that doesn't mean he should be lonely.

Of course it doesn't, but I'm telling you that this isn't the way to go about it.

She's more surprised he didn't ask her to clarify what the toppings usually were.

"Buffy's sister?"

Really? Centuries? [She half believes him.]

Centuries. I stopped counting after five hundred.

"She has a sister?"

How much of Buffy's chatter had Jack ignored as he thought about his next awesome thing to say?

You and half of Luceti, babe. It's like a broken record at this point.

"There's a whole funny story about that. Uhm - not really a funny story. But a big story. Don't you work with her?"

He nodded. "We do, but it's not like we swap life stories. I don't go telling her all about my relations."

You can't honestly say that this was something you didn't expect.

"Why does this surprise you then?"

I expected better from Luceti.

"I pictured her as an only child."

Wow. Well, um, I guess you do look good for your age.

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Ch. 13 - There's no dating service quite like Jack of Fables

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