Ch. 13 - There's no dating service quite like Jack of Fables

[originaljackass]

[Voice - Locked to Women]

Ladies, Jack Horner here. You may have seen my movie. If not, I work at Good Spirits, the local and only bar. We run a classy joint, but it's come to my attention that my good friend and fellow server of alcoholic beverages, has been going through a rough patch. This man has been going for far too long without a good and proper fucking. The man has no girlfriend and yet he continues to serve your drinks with no complaints. Oh sure, he's constantly scowling and he's about as pleasant as a cactus, but the point is: this man is rendering a service without asking for anything in return.

So I ask you ladies, who will take one for the team and give this man some action? Sure, he's sort of plain looking and in desperate need of a haircut, but he's not that bad. I mean, here, let me show you a picture.

[The video pans to a picture Jack managed to obtain that displays Asch the Bloody. See how sad he looks? How desperate he is for some action?]

This man's name is Asch. And he needs you.

Oh, for the record, I wouldn't be against a little extra action thrown my way. Not that I'm desperate or anything. Far from it. Just thought I'd offer.

Comments

[Voice]

[originaljackass]

Nah, he's not the relationship time. He prefers to be angry and broody.

[herotypical]

...But do they care?

voice;

[degleamed]

I just thought they showed up in a mother's stomach when two people are ready to start a family. Is that not...right?

[Voice]

[installing]

Angry broods can still have relationships.

[originaljackass]

Do you care?

[herotypical]

...No.

voice;

[originaljackass]

Alright, let me break it down for you, kiddo. First off, babies do come from the mom, sure. That's because mama is full of all these eggs just waiting to become babies, but they don't turn into babies unless papa shoots some of his sticky white seed in her. But the only way to do that is if he puts his penis-- [He pauses as he realizes that this girl may have never seen a guy naked.]

You know what that is, right?

[Voice]

[originaljackass]

But does anyone want them to?

... I do, as you can see. If a woman wants to relationship it up with him, more power to her.

[originaljackass]

A liar knows another liar, pumpkin.

[Video]

[swordprincess]

...Do what I usually do, is all I have to do? I can do that.

[Well, that's settled. Either sprring or training it is, then. Maybe.]

Is he strong? Where should I meet him?

[herotypical]

Puh-lease. What reason would I have to care?

[voice]

[strangelyliteral]

So he'd only be more interesting to you if he was dating someone? Is this for some kind of voyeurism?

[Voice]

[installing]

[LARGE SIGH.]

I just think you might be sticking your nose in where it's not wanted!

voice;

[degleamed]

[ There is a whole lot of strange plant imagery going on in her head. And what's this about eggs? She is like 99% sure she doesn't have eggs in her. ]

Um...no. Is it bread?

[Video]

[originaljackass]

Strong? Yeah, I'd say he's pretty solid. Don't let his girlish looks fool you, Asch will rock you hard.

[originaljackass]

Because you care about me more than anyone else in town does.

[voice]

[originaljackass]

No, I just want him to be easier to work with. It's like working with the Big Bad Wolf.

[Voice]

[originaljackass]

Have a little faith in your old uncle Jack, Win. I know what I'm doing.

[voice]

[strangelyliteral]

He'll huff and puff and blow the bar down?

voice;

[originaljackass]

... no. [Groan.] Have you seen a guy naked before?

[Voice]

[bubblywishes]

[Norma takes one look at this journal and just...stops. Stops, rereads the post, gazes upon the image provided, and promptly explodes with laughter. Deep, loud, honest, unending laughter. In fact, she actually has to step away from her journal to wipe her face - because yes, she is indeed crying from laughing so hard - before returning to her journal, letting out a deep breath.

Hello, fellow bar worker, the young'n server of the crew enjoys your joke very much.]

Well, I wouldn't say plain looking, and I think the long and luxurious hair kinda suits him, but you're right about Chuckles needing to cheer up big time. ...Though I dooon't think this is the way to go about that.

[Voice]

[installing]

Oh, so you're my uncle now.

[Video]

[fashionably_strong]

They should be. Dad's powerful enough that he could destroy a planet if he really wanted to.

[herotypical]

[ a hard swallow. buffy doesn't like being told how she feels, even when the telling of it rings so true. ] Is that so? What about Clem?

[voice]

[originaljackass]

No. Just scowl and act like he can do whatever the hell he wants.