originaljackass | Ch. 14 - Life is hunky dory when your name is Jack of Fables

[When Jack's memories returned to normal, he found himself sad only to discover his briefcase was empty. And then when he realized that, he rushed to a mirror and was relieved to find out he was still his incredibly handsome and athletic self. He wouldn't be swelling up to a dragon this time. He didn't know why he had been spared that fate this time, but he took it to be a personal victory. Smugly, he smiled at himself, reminded himself of how awesome he was, and was back to his old self again.

And so from every day since Luceti returned to normal, Jack has served more than his normal shifts at the bar. With Buffy still missing and not all of the staff at their best, he was filling in for them. After all, an experiment like that was going to result in a lot of people needing a good stiff drink. He was only pleased to oblige them. After all, Luceti had no form of therapy other than what could be found at the bottom of a glass at Good Spirits.

Today, however, he felt inclined to talk about the experience. Calmly and rationally.]

[Voice]

So that was a hell of a thing. How many of you guys remember the first one? I swear, this place gets loopier each and every day. The fighting at the end was new. Last time around it didn't get so bloody. Well, it did for me. I turned into a dragon and then had a bunch of psycho, devil-associating lesbians hunt me down to kill me. I think we can all agree that a few crazy vulture-winged assholes isn't as bad as it could be. Especially seeing as killing them is easier than shooting fowl in Duck Hunt.

And for those of you still pouting, come on down to Good Spirits. First drink's on the house.

[Jack will be around that evening to serve drinks and be his usual self. At least until he goes heading home that night. The droids get the jump on him and it's off to experimentation land for him!]

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What, no please? Tsk tsk.

[All the same, Jack sets out a glass and a bottle of bourbon and pours some for Lee. But not a lot. Half a serving.]

[Right, manners. He takes a look at the glass and quickly notices Jack didn't pour a whole serving, but takes it anyway and sips it down slow. He hasn't tasted bourbon in so long and takes the time to savor the flavor, before setting the glass down.]

Least the alcohol is good here. Got to keep everyone happy somehow.

[Because frankly, there's nothing to be happy about right now.]

[Dammit Lee. Now Jack has to fill it again. SIGH his job.]

The suits are well aware of how booze-worthy our lives are here. So they at least give us the good stuff.

I'm beginning to see what you mean.

[He lets Jack refill the glass, but doesn't immediately drink from it. Having too much in his system isn't good, even if the urge to get smashed is great.]

Clem woke up in my place today. I think she's pretty shaken by what happened.

[No surprise there - Clem was under the impression that he was her father. And considering what happened to her parents...the issue has always been a sensitive one and one he tried to avoid as best as he could.]

... so that's where she ended up. I'd never even heard of her back during that Leave it to Beaver freak-fest last week.

[Which he can't say he was too pleased by. It's not that he wanted Clem as his daughter or anything, but not knowing about her? It makes him wonder.]

Yeah, no surprise. Me and her were grouped together as a family. [He says, taking a small sip of the bourbon after.] It isn't right. I feel terrible for her.

That's a tough break for the kid. [And he finds himself envious of Lee. this would clearly be putting him ahead in the battle of affections.] Was there a mom?

No. She...died, from what I remember.

[And the woman he remembers being the mother was his ex-wife...not a very good thought to have in mind, considering the last time he saw her was before he went to jail.]

But it isn't important now. That fucked up world wasn't real, no matter how nice it seemed. This? This is reality. Even if it isn't great.

Well you're right on that count, pal. I had two daughters, myself. Teenagers, even. I'm glad to not have that on me.

I wasn't really talking about the children aspect, more that people were forced to become families with each other.

[He puts his cup down and lets his hand rest on his head.]

God, Clem...it's so fucked up. I don't want to be her father - I could never replace her parents. And then those fuckers convinced her I was and now she's confused.

[Ah. There's an angle he hadn't considered yet. He's not one for being all feelsy or anything pathetic lie that, but...]

What kind of people were her parents?

Smart people. I think her mom was a doctor, her dad an...engineer. I never met them, but they were good to her from what she told me 'bout them. I...try not to ask her a lot about them. You know.

[It's a sensitive subject and he doesn't want to remind her of what happened to them. Not after they both confirmed that they turned to Walkers.]

[It does sound rather tragic, he supposes. But it's in the past and there's nothing he can do about it.]

So what does that make you to her? Uncle? Unreasonably older brother? High school teacher?

She's nine, Jack. [Though Jack's statement is obviously just in jest...right?] I found her alone in her home. Her parents were out of the city when everything went to hell and her babysitter turned into one of them. I couldn't just leave her alone in that.

Hey, I was killing giants when I was nine. [Which is only tangentially related, but he felt it was important to remind Lee of how awesome he was. In case he forgot. Which he seemed to do, a lot.] Still uh, good on you. She's a meek little kid. Probably wouldn't have lasted long with the whole zombie apocalypse going on.

[He has no reply to that "killing giants" thing. He nods and sighs.]

She wanted to wait for her parents to come home, but I couldn't just leave her there alone with no one to take care of her.

See? That was me, too. Here she was, all lost in Luceti. Scared, alone, and with cute little wings. And me? Well, I know this place well. It's a dangerous place for little squeakers like her. So I took her in, put a roof over head. Let her name my blue pig, even.

[See, see. He's totally responsible too.]

Right...Ben.

[More terrible memories. Does Clem even know he's dead? She was kidnapped that entire time, so maybe not. Not something he wants to bring up to her any time soon.]

Jack, look, I'm sure you're not a bad guy and I don't have anything against you. And if Clem likes you, then I want to like you too.

Well I'm a likable kind of guy.

[He likes it when people like him. So even though he doesn't like Lee, he's going to give him a refill anyway.]

Well, that's good, I suppose.

[He looks down at the drink, but doesn't go for the cup. He shouldn't have that much, even if the urge to get shitfaced is very tempting.]

I should get going. I don't wanna leave Clem alone too long right now.

Yeah. You do that.

[He should be telling Lee to start packing for her. But eh. It can wait for tomorrow. In the meantime, there's other customers to deal with.]

Ch. 14 - Life is hunky dory when your name is Jack of Fables

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