Ch. 13 - There's no dating service quite like Jack of Fables

[originaljackass]

[Voice - Locked to Women]

Ladies, Jack Horner here. You may have seen my movie. If not, I work at Good Spirits, the local and only bar. We run a classy joint, but it's come to my attention that my good friend and fellow server of alcoholic beverages, has been going through a rough patch. This man has been going for far too long without a good and proper fucking. The man has no girlfriend and yet he continues to serve your drinks with no complaints. Oh sure, he's constantly scowling and he's about as pleasant as a cactus, but the point is: this man is rendering a service without asking for anything in return.

So I ask you ladies, who will take one for the team and give this man some action? Sure, he's sort of plain looking and in desperate need of a haircut, but he's not that bad. I mean, here, let me show you a picture.

[The video pans to a picture Jack managed to obtain that displays Asch the Bloody. See how sad he looks? How desperate he is for some action?]

This man's name is Asch. And he needs you.

Oh, for the record, I wouldn't be against a little extra action thrown my way. Not that I'm desperate or anything. Far from it. Just thought I'd offer.

Comments

voice;

[degleamed]

[ r u d e ]

I suppose that makes sense.

[herotypical]

...Asch and I have a pre-arranged agreement.

[video]

[originaljackass]

That he can get by himself, if he wanted, but is otherwise too depressed to go ask for. Aren't you paying attention?

[video]

[tokennonbender]

[She sighs.]

I think you're looking at this all backwards.

voice;

[originaljackass]

You seem like a good kid, though. What's your name?

[originaljackass]

... I don't want to know. [...] Do I want to know?

[video]

[fleurdesel]

You are a crass, classless ass on the network more or less attempting to make an open booty call to the entirety of the village. That suggests a highly flawed individual, at least from my point of view.

voice;

[fleurdesel]

That sounds excellent. I shall see you then.

[video]

[originaljackass]

Whatever. This is what I get for trying to help people.

[Video]

[origami_ninja]

Which is exactly why I mentioned him. He would have liked you.

[herotypical]

Not like that, dumbass. Just that we agree that I won't push any uncomfortable boundaries and in return he'll try not to be a jerk. Really, you and I should work on something similar only you'll get to play both parts.

[video]

[tokennonbender]

[She gives him a rather sour look.]

Sex isn't going to make him less depressed.

[video]

[originaljackass]

I wouldn't say classless. My dad was a prince. Also an ass. But I did spend about an entire day as an official prince before I had to sell the title back to him. But really, I prefer to think of myself as open-minded about sex. Sexually liberated is the big word the Mundies threw around a few decades ago. That's me: liberated. Free love.

[Video]

[fashionably_strong]

Back home, I'm a high school student. I've got some powers, though I'm nowhere near my dad's level. I'm pretty good at organizing things, too.

[Video]

[originaljackass]

If he ever shows up, send him to the bar. I'll pour him a drink.

[originaljackass]

What's in it for me?

[video]

[originaljackass]

It's always worked for me.

[Video]

[originaljackass]

No blowing up planets on the side? Tsk tsk.

[video]

[tokennonbender]

Somehow, that doesn't surprise me in the least.

But it's temporary.

If you found him a date or something to do that isn't empty and pointless it would probably work a lot better.

[herotypical]

The satisfaction that comes with growing as a person...?

[ or maybe first dibs on shifts for a week. either or. ]

[Video]

[fashionably_strong]

What can I say? I'd rather go shopping than blow things up.

voice;

[degleamed]

I'm Rapunzel. It's nice to meet you, Jack.

[ She...thinks. ]

[video]

[originaljackass]

Too late for that. I'd ask you, but you're already spoken for.

[originaljackass]

Pass. I feel like I've grown as a person plenty.

[Video]

[originaljackass]

[Dryly.] Well we're all relieved by that. Thanks.