originaljackass | Ch. 13 - There's no dating service quite like Jack of Fables

[Voice - Locked to Women]

Ladies, Jack Horner here. You may have seen my movie. If not, I work at Good Spirits, the local and only bar. We run a classy joint, but it's come to my attention that my good friend and fellow server of alcoholic beverages, has been going through a rough patch. This man has been going for far too long without a good and proper fucking. The man has no girlfriend and yet he continues to serve your drinks with no complaints. Oh sure, he's constantly scowling and he's about as pleasant as a cactus, but the point is: this man is rendering a service without asking for anything in return.

So I ask you ladies, who will take one for the team and give this man some action? Sure, he's sort of plain looking and in desperate need of a haircut, but he's not that bad. I mean, here, let me show you a picture.

[The video pans to a picture Jack managed to obtain that displays Asch the Bloody. See how sad he looks? How desperate he is for some action?]

This man's name is Asch. And he needs you.

Oh, for the record, I wouldn't be against a little extra action thrown my way. Not that I'm desperate or anything. Far from it. Just thought I'd offer.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

That depends entirely upon who you speak to and his mood. But honestly- this? Over the network? Not filtered away from children?

[...Except that she doesn’t exactly know how to live, really.]

...So, how does this work? What kind of action does he need?

No. I have a boyfriend.

[He's just not here.]

I just wasn't expecting this to pop up.

But that's not fair!

Hey, that part was an accident. I only got back to Luceti two months ago. My filters aren't working as well as I thought.

Oh, you know, the usual kind to relieve frustration. Just do what comes naturally.

You must be new around here. The key to surviving in Luceti is not expect things to be the way you expect them to be.

No, but that's the burden of childhood.

That's a dumb burden.

I am. And I thought I was getting pretty good at that.

...I just didn't think it would be so crass.

[Everyone has been polite so far!]

Nobody sail childhood was easy. I used to have to climb the huge hill, every day, just to bring a bucket of water to my mom. Now that was a burden. Hell, one day my best friend pushed me down the hill and I cracked my head open on a rock. I was stuck in bed for two weeks after that.

Are you just making that up?

That's life, kiddo. It's all crass, dirty, and filled with obnoxious amounts of sex. It's the part about being an adult that really pays off.

No way, that totally happened. There's even a rhyme about it.

[Which baffles Jack. He's remembered for a lot of things, but a head injury doesn't quite seem to be something to make that big of a deal about.]