Ch. 11 - The return of the amazing and irresistible Jack of Fables

[originaljackass]

When Jack woke up half naked in the cold, his first thought was FUCK I JUST GOT STABBED.

After patting himself down, he realized he was in all his fleshy wonder. And how. Jack stood up and admired his impressive physique for the first time in years. He was human again! He was attractive! He would kiss someone if he could, but he was by himself. So he settled for kissing his bicep, which somehow managed to stay in shape even while he was being a slothful dragon. God, he loved being a Fable so damn much.

He proceeded to the village, walking barefoot in a winter forest with naught but a white pair of pants on. He didn't shiver or let it bother him. The cold never bothered him and he was enjoying having human flesh to feel anything with. So much better than scales. In fact, he even whistled happily some old tune he only half-remembered. Damn, life was really good sometimes.

First stop in the village was the Clothing Shop. He had no previous garments to look through, because dragons don't wear clothes. Anyway, he wanted to suit up. A man in a suit had power, undeniable power. And besides, he knew how good he looked in one. women couldn't resist. Conveniently, he found his briefcase there as well. So using its infinite capacity for storage, he loaded it up with extra clothes. It would save him a trip later on.

Then he stopped at Seventh Heaven where he ordered, oddly enough, a salad. The thought of meat made him a little nauseous still. He'd been eating cows (and maybe Gary's wife) whole for ten years now. Salad? Salad was friggin' delicious. He even stopped at the Grocery to grab some fruit and was amazed by how good it tasted. He tossed some fruit into his suitcase for later.

At the Smithy, he was just looking for a casual weapon to keep on his person for his own self protection. A knife, really. But he hadn't expected to find Excalibur, the same weapon that impaled him, to be waiting all pretty like for him. Deciding that no one can go wrong with a magic sword, he stuffed it inside his briefcase and moved on.

Last stop was in the evening for Cloud Nine. Time to reclaim the old business. He was really, really hoping it wasn't super lame now. That would suck the joy out of an otherwise perfect day.

[Voice]

Hey Luceti, looking good. Your old pal Jack Horner is back, better than ever. How's it been? Did you miss me? Damn is it good to be back here. Did you guys redecorate? Things look different. Kind of.

Hey Buffy, you still with that second-rate knock off of me? How about we climb in bed and you can slay me next? Or Saber, you could be my Once and Future Fling. Lightning, babe, how about we ignite that spark between us again. Aerith, let me offer some help with your gardening and do some deflowering. Karai, feel free to ninja your way between my sheets at your convenience. Saten, I'd love to explore your dark side, inch by inch. And Nami, you're Luceti's next top model, so just for you, I'll let you do the topping.

Damn, can I just say that I missed you guys? Well, you know, not while I was home. Didn't remember any of you. But holy hell am I glad to be back here again.

Comments

[all7seas]

Horner.

[Yes. Had to be. Had to be the same Horner.]

[herotypical]

[ ...and just when life was beginning to look up. god dammit. buffy knows she ought to ignore the wolf-whistle of a shout-out. she should ignore it outright.

but indignation and a strong sense of self drags an impertinent little huff out of the slayer and -- with ice in her voice -- she speaks: ] Where the hell are you, Horner?

[ because her anger is feeling rather ineffectual over the journal. ]

[voice]

[not_a_troll]

Jack Horner?

That will not do, Jack Horner.

[Midgardians had a word for this... Ah yes. Referring to horns while not meaning horns.]

Jack Horny befits you much better. May I call you that?

[Action | Cloud Nine]

[redjacketthief]

[The club hadn't been forgotten or left unmanaged over the last few months, and it showed. The bar was stocked, the tables were clean, the furnishings were dusted, and the piano was as in tune as always. Lupin loved Cloud Nine. It was one of the few places in Luceti that felt like home to him, right down to the faint scent of bourbon and smoke that lingered in the air. Life is a cabaret, for sure.

Lupin himself sat in the corner at the bar, having taken to just hanging out on the premise before hours. He had work to do--and it showed. The laptop on the counter had lists upon lists cued up as reminders of what he needed to do, but the ambience had clearly benefitted from his efforts.

He glanced up when the stranger entered the room, a lit cigarette dangling from his lips and a surprised expression on his face.]

...It's a little early in the day to be hitting the bar, you know.

[video]

[stillplaying]

[She knows by now that there are some days where it really isn't worth opening this damned journal. Where she's best off ignoring it, ignoring everyone in the village and spending all her time instead in the forest hunting.

But it's too late for that. This is... it's... awful. Absolutely awful. Flirtatious and overly sexual and wasn't that last damned shift over? Things like this shouldn't be where everyone can see it. Where impressionable children can see it. It's as bad as any violence on the network. As Zevran's stupid post months ago.

Worst is the way her cheeks remain bright red. She both feels and looks utterly embarrassed. But to respond to this, she promises herself, has nothing to do with her own prudish tendencies.

Nothing at all.]

Why would you say something like this on here?

[voice]

[first_darkness]

[ Well, now. Here's a voice that hasn't been around. ]

You're not going to get that chance. Assuming you're speaking metaphorically.

[ Because if he's not, her literal "dark side" is the "make people dead" side. ]

[voice]

[changethepast]

[ ... What is this... even... it's so blatantly crude and inappropriate, and generally Serah would be happy to ignore such a thing- particularly given she is not having a very good time right now - but to nobody's surprise... ]

Did you say Lightning?

[ It's the little sister. Good going. ]

[Voice]

[doubleppk]

What, no love for moi~? I swear, you threaten to shoot a guy once and then he goes off and forgets you!

[Voice]

[toujoursfluer]

Nami has gone home, I'm afraid. Were you a friend of hers or merely a pesky admirer?